


Allure

by isleyren



Category: Marriage Story (2019)
Genre: Alcohol, Bloodplay, Charlie Barber - Freeform, Cheating, Daddy Kink, Degradation, Director - Freeform, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, High School, Lost Love, Marriage, Reader-Insert, Size Difference, Size Kink, Theater - Freeform, professional
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:00:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 25,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29051775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isleyren/pseuds/isleyren
Summary: You and Charlie grew up together, from the same small town, both moving as soon as you could get away. You ended up in California first, moving to Colorado, and ending up in New York City. You had scored your dream job, living the life that made you happy, a life you always wanted for yourself. Everything seemed to be going well. That was until you ran into Charlie, not seeing him after so many years, never speaking once. That one encounter changed the course of your life, your ideas for what you wanted, bringing back lots of old memories.
Relationships: Charlie Barber/Reader
Comments: 11
Kudos: 19





	1. Glory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mention of alcohol use

You yawned as you rolled over, your arm colliding with the man that was still passed out next to you. You pushed yourself up, glancing down at him as you tried to remember his name. Your brows furrowed, several names ran through your mind, but you still couldn’t place which one was his. After a moment, you gave up, hoping that you wouldn’t have to say it when you were shoving him out of your apartment.

You rolled over, sliding out of the bed as you grabbed a t-shirt that had been so gracefully abandoned on the floor next to you. You grimaced as you glance down, noticing the discarded condom still on the floor.

Your face contorted as you picked it up, making sure to hold it as far away from yourself as possible as you step into the bathroom, discarding of it in the trash.

You vigorously washed your hands before flipping the light on, observing yourself in the mirror. You looked terrible, like absolute shit. Your mascara had run, bags beginning to form under your eyes.

You needed sleep. And you needed to stop fucking any and every guy that came your way.

Ever since you had gotten to New York you had lived this life. Going to work during the day, going to the bar at night, on nights you weren’t working, picking up a guy who you thought was cute after three or four drinks, and fucking him only to have to wake up exhausted and start the whole routine over again. And usually with major regret.

But there were the occasional breaks.

You had found a love for Broadway, and theater in general. You had made yourself a promise to go to at least one a month, usually ending up going to two. It was your time alone, time to relax, detox from people and the demanding life you lead.

You had gone to school for six years in California, moving to Colorado once you graduated. You worked as an Athletic Trainer, working with all different kinds of athletes. But you decided that you wanted a change of scenery, a change of pace from the slow life you led working at a high school in the country.

You were ready for the big leagues. Literally. You had managed to get a job with a professional football team, and you scored your dream apartment.

It felt like life was finally working out for you.

Well, despite the love life chaos that you seemed to get yourself into not even a week after moving.

But that wasn’t your priority. You didn’t need someone to fulfill that side of yourself. All you cared about was your career and your own personal goals. A man would only get in the way. You were never interested in a long-term relationship, never the kind of person to desire that, nor dream about it.

That was with the exception of one person.

Charlie Barber.

You two had grown up together in the same small town. You were the same age, having somewhat similar interests. That’s how you got along so well. You both were able to talk endlessly about the most random of subjects, never getting bored.

You had grown an attachment to him, a crush. He was your only friend through high school, not being a people person yourself, you opted to just focused your attention on him, not having any desire to even attempt to gain other friends.

He was all you needed.

All you wanted.

But then came graduation.

You didn’t have the strongest family life, your parents both being highly successful in their trades. They were focused on their work, it consuming their lives, not giving them much time to focus on you. And then there were the high of expectations they placed on you.

Your mother was a doctor, expecting you to follow her footsteps. You admittedly did love biology and anatomy, but you didn’t think you would enjoy the work of a doctor. You had known what you wanted to do, work with athletes, but were too scared to admit it to your parents.

So you up and left. Leaving your family, your hometown, and Charlie behind.

Leaving with no explanation and no goodbyes.

You had decided to cut off all contact, regretfully that included Charlie.

And since that day after graduation, you had never seen or heard from him.

You splashed your face with cold water, rubbing your eyes as you tried to wipe away all the evidence of the night before and pull yourself from the pit of self-despair.

You brushed your teeth, brushing your hair back into a ponytail before stepping back out into the bedroom.

“Good morning beautiful.”

You had to hide the cringe at his words, his tone of voice.

“Good morning.” You responded, no warmth in your tone.

You stepped over to your closet, swinging the door open, your eyes scanning.

You grabbed a simple sweater, walking over to your dresser, pulling out a pair of blue jeans.

You held the clothes in your hand before glancing back to the man.

“You should probably go.” You told him, giving him a professional smile, one you had perfected over the years.

“Oh.” He said, glancing down as he thought, processing your request. “You don’t want to get breakfast?” He asked, brows furrowing in confusion.

You shrugged. “Busy day.”

You continued with your morning routine, getting ready for a day that actually wasn’t that busy.

He watched for a moment before collecting his things, getting himself dressed.

He stopped at the door, turning around to talk again, but you didn’t even spare him a glance as he spoke.

“So, should I call?”

“Don’t worry about it.” You said, deciding to look up at him, giving him another smile.

You didn’t give a second though about the hurt look on his face, you just wanted him gone.

He wasn’t worth your worry. His dick wasn’t great, and he didn’t satisfy you at all. It was some kind of miracle that you came at all. You were desperate apparently, and now you just wanted him gone.

You sighed in relief as you heard your front door click shut, stepping out of your bedroom and into the kitchen.

You prepared your normal breakfast including the daily cup of tea.

Placing yourself at the counter, you flipped your laptop open.

It was off-season, so you didn’t have as much work to do, easily doing most of it from home, but you had decided to take the day off. Or at least what you considered to be a day off.

You answered a few emails, reached out to different physicians, did some simple tasks before finally shutting your computer, your mug now empty.

At this point, it was nearing noon, the past few hours going by rather quickly.

You cleaned up your stuff, deciding to get into something more comfortable as you started off the rest of your day, planning to do absolutely nothing.

You dropped yourself on the couch, now in much more comfortable attire, grabbing the remote to flip on a movie.

You chewed at your lip as you scrolled through all the options for what had to be at least half an hour, settling on something you had seen several times, but you knew you would enjoy it, so why not watch it again.

You curled up in a warm blanket as the beginning credits began to roll. And that was all you remembered before falling asleep.

Your exhaustion from the past few weeks had finally caught up to you, your eyelids feeling like bricks as they fell shut, your mind turning off, your body getting much needed rest.

Falling asleep to the small hum of the movie playing in front of you.

-

You woke up abruptly, eyes squinting to adjust to the light that streamed in through your window.

Your phone. It was ringing. That’s what woke you up.

You reached for it, answering without checking who it could be.

“Hello?” You said, it still evident in your voice that you had just awoken.

_“I’ve been trying to call and text you all day!”_ It was your best friend, or at least your closest friend in the city.

Mary Ann.

She was the total opposite of you. She loved people, easily making friends, her bubbly personality making her easy to get along with. That’s how you two had become friends. Your desire, or rather lack thereof, to get to know people had placed you in a corner at a work party. She was dating one of your coworkers at the time, someone who didn’t last long for her.

She had found you in that corner, talked to you most of the night, much to your dismay, but you grew to like her. And now she was the only person in the city you felt comfortable around. She helped you tolerate the people of New York City. She made you a better person.

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled out, rubbing your eyes as you spoke. “I fell asleep.”

She laughed. _“I can hear it in your voice.”_

You rolled your eyes at her. “What’s up?” You decided to change the subject.

She squealed before speaking, so much, almost too much, joy in her tone. _“I got us tickets to this amazing show tonight. It’s at this really cool little theater off Broadway. What do you say?”_

You thought about it for a moment. You didn’t have any plans, and you hadn’t seen a show in a bit. Plus, seeing a new and upcoming one might be exciting.

“I’m in.”

Another squeal. _“Yes bitch! Okay, I’ll be at your place in half an hour.”_

“Wait!” But she had already hung up.

Half an hour? You figured that was enough time, but you hated to rush yourself.

You got up quickly, running to your closet, hoping to find something fast.

You settled on a pair of black jeans, pairing it with a white turtleneck and beige puff coat. You slicked your hair back into a low ponytail, adding minimal makeup.

You heard the knock on your door as you slid into your simple black heels, shuffling as you made your way to the door.

You swung the door open, greeted by the brunette woman in front of you.

“Hey babe!” She smiled as she pulled you into a hug, squeezing as she rocked back and forth.

“You look stunning.” She said as she pulled away, eyeing you up and down.

“Thank the stars.” You rolled your eyes. “You only gave me half an hour!”

She moved past you. “I knew it wouldn’t be hard for you, you always manage to look so good.”

You smiled at her, knowing her ways, how she sometimes forgot about the feelings of others. Her virtue and her fatal flaw.

“Should we be heading out now?” You said as you glanced down at your phone. It was nearing show time, about half an hour before.

She glanced down at her watch, an apple from your counter in hand.

“Oh shit, yeah!” She exclaimed, setting the apple back down and rushing past you, speeding down the hallway.

“You coming?” She yelled back at you.

You let out a small laugh as you shut your apartment door behind you, locking it before following after her.

She rambled on about her new love interest, someone you were pretty sure was just some boy toy she found at the club, during the elevator ride.

Finding a taxi was easy.

You slid in after her as she continued on, your focus no longer on what she was saying.

You had heard it all before with other guys. He was so kind and sweet, good in bed, asked about her day, took her to a nice date. And they all looked the same. The longer hair on top with a shorter cut on the sides, usually blonde hair, toned body, most likely an athlete of some sort. They were all just the typical guy.

You tried no to grimace at the idea. You and she had such different goals in life. She was looking for a husband, you enjoyed your single life, she like blonde men, you preferred dark hair, she fell for every guy who gave her what she wanted, you had only fallen in love with one person, and since then refused to let that happen to yourself again.

“Anyway, I told him his dick was small.”

You spun towards her. “What?”

“Yeah, he made me mad, and his dick was small.” She shrugged, her tone nonchalant.

You blinked at her. She could come off as a ditz, but you knew she was incredibly smart and witty. Her comebacks were always your favorite things to hear about.

After a moment of processing what she just told you, you let out a small laugh.

“You’re incredible.”

She shrugged her shoulders, her head tilting as she smiled. “I know.”

You faced forward once again, taking a deep breath in before settling into your seat.

The rest of the taxi ride was silent, with the exception of her tapping away at her phone.

“So.” She began, stepping out of the taxi behind you. “The director is really fucking hot.” Her smile was wide as she grabbed your arm, pulling you towards the entrance.

“Is that why you brought me here? You’re just trying to get with the director?” You glanced over at her.

“Maybe.” She smirked at you, her tone giving her motive away. “I’m actually the costume designer!”

Your brows furrowed in confusion. “Then why are you out here with me?”

She shrugged. “I told the director that I had a date.”

“Awe.” You brought your hand up to her cheek, lightly tapping it. “I’m honored to be your date.”

Now it was her turn to roll her eyes at you. “I fucked him and now I’m trying to get back in his pants.”

“Mary Ann!” You scolded her.

“What?” She kept walking forward. “He’s good in bed, probably the best. But there’s only one issue.”

“And what would that be?” Now you were kind of curious, there was never an issue and she was always able to get with whoever she wanted. What was so different about this guy?

“He’s married.”

You nearly chocked on your own spit.

“Married?” You managed to get out through a cough.

“Don’t ask about it.” She said with a pout.

You opted not to continue the conversation as your tickets were scanned, stepping into the crowded entrance of the theater.

“So, who is this director guy anyway?”

Your gaze followed her finger as she pointed. “Him.”

Your breathing halted, eyes widening as you took in who she was talking about.

He stood stoically, hands in his pockets as he smiled, laughed, spoke with the people surrounding him. His dark hair was placed perfectly, the moles you had come to know so well still splayed perfectly across his pale skin.

His beige button-down shirt looked slightly creased under the black sports coat. He shifted from one foot to the other as his brows dipped, lips set in a pout as he focused on whatever the other person was saying.

He looked incredible.

He had definitely become a man.

The teenage boy you knew had grown up so well. He looked like the man who hoped he had become, that you had dreamt he had become.

Charlie Barber hadn’t filled your mind as often as he did when you had first left your hometown, but you still thought about him every once in a while. You still sat up on sleepless nights and wondered where in the world he was, what he was doing, if he ever wondered about you.

And now here he was. A successful director in New York City, a real man, standing right in front of you.

“Shit.” You mumbled under your breath.

Mary Ann glanced at you, curiosity and confusion written all over her face. “What?”

You looked at her, your eyes still wide, your cheeks growing red. You pulled together a smile for her sake, and to prevent yourself from the embarrassment that lay in front of you.

“I have to run to the bathroom real quick, I’ll meet you at the seat.”

“Okay.” She said skeptically.

You let go of her arm, spinning around to step away.

You pushed past people, continuously apologizing as you made your way towards the bathroom.

You stepped in, finding an empty stall, thanking the stars that there wasn’t a line. You glanced down at your phone, keeping an eye on the time. You didn’t want to miss anything, but you also didn’t want to run the risk of having to talk to Charlie, someone you had up and left, hadn’t seen in about fifteen years.

You may have daydreamed about what it would be like to see him again, but now that it was here, you didn’t want it. You weren’t prepared to face him, to explain yourself.

You sat on the toilet, your head resting in your hands.

After taking several deep breaths in, calming your rapidly beating heart down, you glanced down at your phone, realizing you had only one minute left until the show started.

You stepped out of the bathroom, getting help from a worker who kindly directed you to your seat.

You sat down, giving Mary Ann a small smile.

“Sorry, wasn’t feeling the best, needed a second.” You whispered.

“Are you okay?” She whispered back, concern clear in her voice.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m all good. Just got too hot.”

She smiled at you, her gaze moving back to the stage.

You sighed as you settled in your seat as the lights dimmed, the show starting.

-

“Wow that’s amazing so far.” You kept quiet as the lights came back on. You turned your body to her.

“I know right!” She smiled widely at you. “The second act is even better, in my opinion.” Her hand waved in front of her, emphasizing her point.

The smile on her face was warm and sincere, the sparkle in her eyes igniting more excitement inside of you.

“I can’t wait.”

You watched as her eyes left you, her gaze moving up and past your shoulder.

“Oh my god, he’s coming over here!” She squealed as she wiggled in her seat.

“Who?” You asked, brows furrowing.

But it was too late. The man answered for you.

You spun around, coming face to face with the man you had tried to avoid.

There he stood, Charlie Barber in all his glory.


	2. Sensibility

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Alcohol use, the reader gets manhandled, but it only lasts for a few sentences, vomiting

He said your name smoothly, his deep voice seemingly causing you to shake. But that was just your own body, shaking out of fear.

“Charlie.” You managed to get out, standing up so fast that you knocked your things off of your lap.

“Um, hi.” You didn’t know what to say to the large man standing in front of you.

He was so much taller than you, even with heels on that you had to tilt your neck just to look into his eyes. It didn’t help that you were standing surprisingly close to him.

You nearly started crying as you took in his all so familiar scent. It had changed some over the years, but that classic Charlie scent was still there. That scent you had grown accustomed to. The one that was your safe haven.

Then there were his eyes. They were the same beautiful amber color that you could stare at all day, that you dreamed about at night. They danced across your face, taking in every detail like he would never get this chance again, like it wasn’t even real in the first place.

His full lips were slightly parted as his brows furrowed, it evident that a million thoughts and questions were running rampant through his mind.

And a million thoughts and questions were running through yours.

“I didn’t know—”

“I thought you—”

You both spoke at the same time, pausing to let the other continue.

You didn’t know what to do, crying not being a viable option, a tight hug probably too awkward and inappropriate. So you just continued speaking.

“I didn’t know you were in New York.” Your arms wrapped around you, hugging yourself as you swayed on your feet.

He glanced down as he spoke. “Um, yeah, I moved here after graduation.” He looked up to you, trying to read your reaction.

“Oh.” Your mind flooded again with that last day you saw him, the day of graduation. The bright smile on his face, the tears in both of your eyes as you realized this was the end of a big part of your life. But in reality, you both didn’t care about that. All you cared about was getting away from your hometown, away from your family.

You had tears in your eyes because you hadn’t told Charlie you were leaving and didn’t plan to do so either.

You didn’t want to break his heart, hoped that you hadn’t, never let yourself believe you had.

But now here he was, the eyes of the teenage boy you adored, loved.

“I guess I just didn’t really think about it, I mean I never thought you would come to New York, maybe out to Cali, yeah, to LA for sure, but New York for some reason never really seemed to be your vibe.” Now you were rambling, not sure what to say. “I actually never really gave much thought to it, not that I forgot you, I just thought it would be better if I didn’t, I mean not that I wanted to, I just figured it was best to forget everything about my past life, it’s just that—”

He grabbed your arm, his large hand easily wrapping around it.

“It’s okay.” He gave you a smile. “I understand.”

You glanced up to meet his eyes, your body instantly melting as his eyes peered into your soul.

“I’m so sorry Charlie.”

He opened his mouth to respond, but you were both interrupted.

“Charlie!” Came Mary Ann’s squeal, a signature noise from her.

His eyes finally left yours, turning to glance at her. “Mary Ann.” His tone was very professional.

“So,” Mary Ann placed her hands on your shoulder, still standing behind you, “You two know each other?” She glanced between the two of you.

“We grew up together.” You said, turning your gaze away from Charlie and towards her.

“Yeah,” He added. “We’re from the same town in the Midwest.”

You glanced to him as he spoke, looking down as his hand gestured towards you. That’s when you noticed the small shimmer of the silver band around his ring finger.

There was a sharp pain in your chest at the realization.

Charlie Barber was married. He had a whole life without you. He had moved on, experiencing things, learning along the way, living his happiest and saddest moments, all without you.

You felt the tears welling in your eyes.

“I’m sorry.” You said to both of them as you pushed past him and out of Mary Ann’s hold, rushing to the bathroom for the second time that night.

But this time, there was a long line.

Typical of a theater bathroom.

You let out a huff of air as you spun around, trying to find somewhere, anywhere to go to hide for just a moment, your emotions about to get the best of you.

You snuck past some stairs, finding a quiet place.

You let your body fall back, your shoulders colliding with the wall as your legs gave out, landing harshly on your ass.

You head dropped, arms wrapping around your knees as you let your tears fall. As you let all the emotions from the past fifteen years out.

Memories of your times together came flooding back, memories of what it was like to have Charlie in your life.

The time that you tripped and scraped up your elbow and arm, how he wrapped his arm around you as you walked home together, reassuring you, wiping your tears away.

The time he helped you get through your trauma after the major car accident you were in. How he held you on those sleepless nights when all you could do was cry and tell him all your worries.

The long nights where you both would stay up talking for hours. You would discuss anything and everything. Things like your ultimate goal in life, what you wanted out of life, to things like what you had for breakfast that day. You would spill your secrets, the things that no one else knew about you.

The summer days you would spend at the community pool, both avoiding your parents. The games you would play, how easily he could pick you up. The times you would laugh so hard that your stomach would be in pain. His wide smile as he let out a deep laugh at your ridiculous jokes.

The last day of school, when all you wanted to do was get out of there. There were so many other people with that same idea, nearly causing you to get trampled, being one of the smaller people in the graduating class. But Charlie was there with his tall frame to keep you safe.

The night of graduation when he pulled you close, telling you how much he cared for you, how he fell in love with you, how he never wanted to be away from you, not even for a single day. How soft his lips were when they attached to yours, how you melted into his warm touch. How you craved his touch, replayed that scene in your mind night after night.

You thought you had made the right decision, but you now knew that it was all wrong. You knew you did a terrible thing leaving him behind. Everything was terrible in your life except for him. He was the one who kept you sane through all of it. He was the one person you didn’t want to leave.

He was always there when you needed him. He was always the person you could rely on fully. He was your closest and best friend, and you abandoned him. You left him with no explanation.

You were young and dumb. Not really knowing what you wanted, but you still blamed yourself for the decisions that you made that lead you to where you were now. Sitting along on the ground in a theater, hiding from the man that used to be like an extension of your soul.

You thought you had your life together, but in reality, you were still that broken girl who laid in an empty dorm room in LA. Lonely, no one to confide in. No one who cared. The girl who didn’t know what she wanted. The girl who slept with any guy who looked her direction to help her feel something again.

The girl who had a whole in her heart where Charlie Barber once was.

You began to feel nauseous, standing up as fast as you could to get to a toilet or a trashcan.

You shoved past the line, no longer caring what people thought, as you slid into a stall just as someone was leaving it, getting a few grumbles and swears your direction, but you didn’t care. The only thing you were focused on was emptying your stomach into the toilet.

After the last bit came falling from your mouth, you laid your arms on the seat, not thinking about cleanliness in that moment. You rested your head on one of your arms, reveling in the coolness that emanated from the toilet seat.

You closed your eyes, calming your breathing down, taking air in through your nose, expelling it through your mouth.

You did this for a few minutes, opening your eyes, realizing that the bathroom had become silent once again.

You lifted your head, glancing around and down at yourself. You noticed the way that you were splayed on the ground, the small amount of vomit on the front of your white shirt.

You wiped away the tears that still streamed down your cheeks as you pushed yourself up.

You stepped out of the stall, walking up to one of the many empty sinks.

You glanced up as you washed your hands clean of the vomit and emotions.

You realized how terrible you looked for the second time that day. Mascara streamed down your cheeks, a path marked through it from the tears. Your eyes were bloodshot, your skin a few shades lighter than normal. There was still a faint green line surrounding your now dried and cracked lips.

You leaned down, splashing water over your face, trying your best to make yourself at least somewhat presentable again.

When you felt okay with your appearance, you stepped out of the bathroom, not yet mentally prepared to face Charlie again, but you were glad that the first encounter was done and over with.

You stepped out of the bathroom, letting the door swing shut behind you. You sucked in a deep breath, holding it before letting it all go as you stepped forward and back towards your seat.

You smiled at the man standing near the door as you stepped past him, sliding yourself through and back towards your seat.

Thankfully your seat was on the end, being able to slide yourself in with as little disturbance as possible as the second act began.

Mary Ann leaned towards you, whispering in your ear.

“What happened?” Her whisper felt loud in your ear, causing you to glance around making sure that no one else heard or was disturbed by her talking.

“Just didn’t feel good, I think I ate something bad.”

She let out a small giggle. “Or fucked the wrong guy again.”

You rolled your eyes at her. “Just having some stomach issues.”

“And what was that with Charlie?” She asked.

“What was what?” You whispered back, trying to focus on the show in front of you.

“You two know each other?”

“ _Knew_ each other.” You corrected her. “We knew each other.”

“So, what I’m hearing is that you can help me get in his pants again.”

“Mary Ann.” You quietly scolded her.

“What?” She said defensively. “I just need some good dick again.”

“He’s married.” You finally turned to her. “You shouldn’t be trying at all.” You turned to face the stage again. “Plus, I don’t know him anymore, he’s basically a stranger.”

You could tell that she rolled her eyes at you.

“Yeah, totally got that vibe.” The sarcasm in her tone made you clench your jaw in frustration and worry. What it that obvious?

You shook the thought from your mind as you continued to watch the show, not letting your mind wander to Charlie, in the same room, in the same space once again, so close yet so far.

-

You clapped, a wide smile spread across your face as you stood, giving the show a standing ovation.

You couldn’t help the pride growing inside of you at Charlie, his success, not that you had any right to feel that way. But you didn’t let that thought fade your spirit. A significant difference from how you felt an hour before.

You glanced to Mary Ann, noticing the spark in her eyes as she glanced forward at the stage.

You let your gaze drift back to the stage, noticing Charlie step out.

Your hands fell in front of you, fingers interlaced as you watched him. The wide smile that spread across his face as he glanced at all the actors behind him, as he bowed for the crowd, as he smiled out into the crowd.

You weren’t sure, but you had a sudden chill spread through you, like his eyes found you and lingered for a moment. Like he wanted to be able to share his joy with you.

You smiled as a sense of sadness threatened to spill over and take control of you, but you didn’t let it. You hadn’t spent years in therapy just to lose control of your emotions for a second time that night.

You smiled as the actors stepped off the stage, the curtain falling, the main lights slowly coming back on.

You turned to Mary Ann, the smile still plastered on your face.

“Ready?” You asked her.

She smiled back. “There’s a little party for the cast and crew, I was hoping you would join me?” Her tone raised as well as her shoulders at her last few words, silently begging you to join.

You wanted to be a good friend, wanted to meet all of her coworkers, but you were scared. You were scared about interacting with Charlie again.

So, you found an excuse.

“I’m really not feeling good, and I didn’t get great sleep last night.” A sigh. “I should really head home.”

“Not even for like five minutes?” She begged.

You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, chewing as you thought. Five minutes wouldn’t be terrible. You were a professional after all. You could spend five minutes in a room with him.

“Fine.” You eventually said. “Five minutes, and then I’m gone.”

She squealed again as she pulled you into a hug.

“Thank you!” She nearly screamed in your ear.

You laughed as you hugged her back, feeling comforted and ready to take on whatever the rest of the night would bring.

She let go, directing you out and towards a small room backstage.

It was full of people, loud laughter and speech echoing through the room and down the hall. You glanced around, no Charlie in sight. When you didn’t see him, you let yourself relax a little, wanting to enjoy your time with your friend to the best of your ability.

You were pushed into the small room, handed a cup of some kind of drink that you couldn’t quite tell what it was, but you drank anyway, along with a plate that held a small piece of cake.

You devoured the cake, downed the mysterious liquid, and smiled for the first time in a group of strangers. You usually hated parties, but all of these people gave you a good vibe, making you feel comfortable around them.

There wasn’t any music, but as you ended up on your fourth refill, you ended up dancing with a dark-haired man who you recognized as one of the lead actors. His arms wrapped around you as you jumped up and down, swaying yourself dramatically.

You laughed as another man pulled you away, holding you in his grasp now. You looked up at him, his light brown hair perfectly placed, not moving at all as you two swayed.

Then you were pulled away by someone else, apparently them playing some kind of pass the girl game. You let out a small huff of hair as you crashed into the next man’s chest. His arms pulled you close, whispering in your ear.

“You’re a pretty little thing.”

Even in your drunken state, you knew, felt, that something was wrong, that something was off.

You tried to push away, but he only pulled you closer.

“Get.” A shove. “Off.” Another attempt. “Of me.” You grunted out, but his grip never loosened.

“It’s okay baby girl, just give in.”

You tried to pull away again to no avail, your heart beginning to race. There were so many people around, but no one was helping. No one even noticed.

You kept trying to push away, finally managing to get away, but it wasn’t all on your own.

You glanced up at the person that was attached to the hand that now gripped around your arm.

“Don’t touch her.” Charlie growled out at the other man, feral protection in his eyes.

You glanced between Charlie and the man, eyes wide, mouth agape.

You didn’t say anything as Charlie stepped away, pulling you with him.

“Hey.” You yelled at him, your words slurred. “Where are you taking me?”

“Home.” Was all he said, continuing to walk.

“I was having fun!” You complained.

He stopped, pulling your hand up, causing you to collide with his firm body.

“You’re drunk and almost got taken advantage of.” His eyes were wild as he looked down at you. “I’m taking you home.”

You didn’t have the energy nor were you in the state of mind to argue.

He turned again, you following behind.

A shiver spread through your body as you stepped into the cool early spring air of the city, stepping closer towards the street as Charlie hailed a cab.

Once one pulled up, he opened the door, helping you slide in, sliding himself in after you.

“I hope I don’t sound like a broken record, but what are you doing?” You turned to face him.

“Taking you home.” He said, not turning to look at you.

You scoffed, crossing your arms over your chest. “Now you sound like a broken record.” You mumbled out.

Either he didn’t catch it or he opted to ignore your childish words, given that he remained silent for the rest of the trip.

Once you got to your apartment, you reached across him, opening the door before he could, proceeding to push him out so that you could step out.

You wrapped your jacket closer around you, inwardly thanking yourself for remembering to grab one, as you stopped outside the door to the building.

You moved so that you could face Charlie head on.

You glanced up to him, eyes locking, just glancing into his before speaking.

“Thank you.” You said, feeling slightly more sober than before, but still fairly drunk.

“Of course.” His eyes left yours for a moment as he glanced at his shoes, shoving his hands in his pockets.

You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol, the events of the night, or the fact that Charlie was actually standing in front of you again, but you leaned up, not giving any thought to your next action.

Your hands grasped onto the sides of his face as you attached your lips to his, taking a sharp breath in as you kissed him, hard.

But he didn’t kiss back.

You pulled away, your heart running rampant, sobering up quickly as you realized your mistake. Realizing what you had just done was wrong on so many different levels.

“Charlie, I’m so sor—”

You were cut off by his lips back on yours, his arm wrapping around your waist, pulling you into him. Your hands found the back of his silky soft hair, sighing into the warm feeling of his lips, the small hint of tobacco and mint on his tongue.

His tongue travelled slowly, sensually, around your mouth, taking in your taste. He pulled his tongue back only to bite at your bottom lip, making your knees weak as you pushed yourself further into him, grabbing at his sport coat.

But a rush of sensibility flowed through you, causing you to break the kiss, to shove him away.

You glanced up at him, confusion plastered on his face, fear and regret plastered on yours.

“What about your wife?”


	3. Desires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of cheating

“What about your wife?” Your breathing was heavy, lips swollen from the kiss.

“What?” His expression was still confused, not fully understanding what you meant by your question.

“Your wife.” You stated, your tone becoming cold. “You have a fucking wife, you’re fucking married.”

His stance straightened, lips pressing together in a flat line.

“I do.” He stated flatly.

Your hands shot to your head, weaving through your hair as you mumbled.

“Shit, what’ve I done? You fucking kissed you, you idiot, why did you have to kiss him? Why couldn’t you have drunkenly stumbled up the stairs and forgotten this night, why did you have to kiss him?” You scolded yourself.

He reached out for you, saying your name softly.

But you pulled away, stepping up the stairs, smiling as the doorman let you in.

You continued to walk as you head Charlie call out your name, begging you to stop, to listen to him.

But you didn’t listen, you didn’t turn around as you walked towards the elevator, stopping in front of it as you heard the front door close, Charlie’s voice no longer heard.

“Uh, miss?” The doorman, Eddie, called after you. You remained in your spot, only turning your head, giving him a small smile.

“Hey Eddie.” You said as you watched him approach, hand reaching out towards you, handing you something.

Your brows furrowed as you glanced down, noticing the small business card.

“What’s this?” You asked as you took it from him, glancing back up at him.

“The guy outside wanted me to give it to you.”

You glanced down at it, realizing what it was. It was Charlie’s business card.

You sighed as you looked back up to Eddie.

“Thank you Eddie.”

“Of course miss.” He said as he nodded, stepping away.

You glanced down at the business card once again, staring at the blank color of it. It was simple, only stating the important things. The color was plain as well, it being a light beige. It matched Charlie’s personality perfectly.

You flipped it over as you heard the faint sound of the elevator doors opening. But your mind was distracted, staring at the small note on the back.

_Coffee. 10 a.m. The café around the corner._

You stared at it, not sure what to think. You had just kissed the only man you ever loved, the man who you cared about so much, even after not seeing him for years. And he was asking you out to coffee, to talk. You hoped as friends.

Because there was the matter of him being married.

Oh, and the issue of your best friend trying to fuck him. And trying to use you to get back with him.

Your expression contorted as you thought about your options. Thought about what would be best. Should you see him again, clear things up, hopefully become friends again, catch up? Or should you ignore it, ignore him, and hope you never see him again?

You weren’t sure if it would be possible for you to be around him and not feel jealous. Despite the success you had experienced in your life, you couldn’t help but feel like you had failed. Failed him; failed your family; failed yourself.

Here he was, a successful director, a married man, living the perfect life. And then here you were, your work consuming your life, a different guy every other night, not even being able to remember their names, drinking your worries away.

He seemed to have it all together, and you didn’t. It may have seemed like you did, but that was far from the truth.

You glanced up as the elevator doors shut, cursing under your breath at yourself.

You slammed the button again, clenching your jaw in an attempt to keep your emotions at bay.

You took deep and long breathes as you tried to empty your mind, not wanting to think about the night as you made your way back to your apartment.

As soon as you stepped in, you threw off your shoes and jacket, not caring where they landed as you flipped the lights on, walking to your bedroom after grabbing a beer from the kitchen.

You needed some more liquid courage. Your mind was too clear and running too fast to be able to sleep without it.

You dropped on your bed, flipping on the TV as you popped open the beer, taking a long swig before setting it down.

You stripped everything off, sitting totally bare on your bed. You watched the mindless show, throwing back the beer.

You kept getting up, grabbing another beer, until you were aware enough to remember the night, but gone enough to no longer care.

You laughed way too loud and aggressively at the show, your hand landing on your chest as you leaned forward.

That was when you eye caught your vibrator charging in the corner, and then they caught the business card abandoned on the floor next to your pants. And an idea popped into your head.

You were feeling needy and lonely after all. What was the harm in touching yourself to the idea of him? There was nothing wrong about it in your mind.

But you weren’t thinking rationally. Weren’t thinking about all of the reasons why it was a bad idea.

You nearly threw yourself out of the bed, making your way across the room in record time. A surprise based on how poorly your balance was. Or maybe that was why it felt so fast, because your mind was racing anyway.

You then threw yourself back on the bed, getting comfortable.

You sighed as you flipped the toy on, sliding it down your stomach, pushing past your folds.

You sighed as you felt it slide into you, already so wet.

You bit your lip as your eyes closed, sliding the toy in and out slowly.

You pulled it out for a moment, sliding it across your sensitive clit, a gasp coming from you.

An image popping into your mind.

Charlie’s dark hair falling in front of his eyes as he glanced up at you, watching you as you writhed and moaned under him.

The warmth of his lips and how they would feel travelling down your body, wrapping around your clit. His strong tongue diving deep inside of you.

The way his cheeks would be red from the body heat, the pure feral desire running through him.

The feeling of his silky soft hair under your fingers. How you would grasp him, pushing his head down as your hips came up, pushing his tongue farther into you, his nose swiping against your clit.

A loud moan escaped your lips, but you didn’t care. You were no longer thinking. Your body only reacting.

You could already feel the warmth growing deep in your stomach. All because of the image in your mind.

The way Charlie’s large hands would grip your hips, holding you down as his tongue continued to ravish you.

The feeling of his lips against your folds. The feeling of his shoulders on the back of your thighs.

It was all so intoxicating.

So arousing.

You cried out one more time before your orgasm hit.

“Fuck! Charlie!”

Suddenly that small pocket of heat burst, spreading across your body. Your legs shook violently, your whole body convulsing as your mouth hung open, your eyes still held shut.

You left the vibrator in and on, helping you ride out your high, before eventually falling back down to reality.

Your body finally relaxed as your breathing began to even out once again.

You pulled the toy out, flipping it off before tossing it off the side of the bed.

Your eye lids began to feel so heavy, not even able to move to cover your body with the bed sheets before you fell asleep, totally exhausted from the incredible orgasm you had just experienced.

All to the thought of one Charlie Barber.

-

Your eyes slowly opened, a sigh emanating from you as you rolled over, glancing at your phone.

You had several messages and a few missed calls.

All from Mary Ann.

You grumbled as you clicked her name, bringing your phone to your ear as it rang.

“ _What the fuck!”_ She yelled at you.

“Shit Mary Ann. I just woke up.” You rubbed your eyes as you sat up.

“ _Well, I thought you were dead!”_ She yelled again.

“Isn’t that a little too dramatic.”

“ _Let me be dramatic_.” She said, your name flowing from her mouth in a warning tone.

“What did you want?”

“ _Did you read any of my texts?”_

“No.” Your tone displaying your confusion and curiosity.

“ _Well,”_ She began. “ _I wasn’t sure where you disappeared off to last night, but I heard from someone that they saw you leave with Charlie?_ ” Her tone was a mix of jealousy and excitement.

“I did.” You didn’t want to give away anything and you weren’t sure where this was leading.

“ _Did you say anything about me?”_ She asked, hopeful.

“No Mary Ann. He’s married. I’m not going to try and set you two up!” You scoffed at her, sliding under your sheets as the realization that you were still naked.

“ _But please.”_ She said your name in a pleading tone.

“No.” You sighed. “And that’s my final answer.”

She didn’t respond for a moment, but you could tell she was pouting.

“ _Fine.”_ She finally said. “ _I hope to see you tonight though.”_

Your brows furrowed. “For what?” You asked.

“ _For the theater celebration dummy.”_

Shit. You had forgotten about that celebration thing you promised you would go to with her coworkers.

You guess it made sense now what it was for. She had probably explained it at first, but you couldn’t remember. Having a show finally come to the stage for the public made a good reason to celebrate.

“I don’t know Mary Ann.”

She said your name again, pleading with you. “ _I promise it’ll be fun_.”

You bit your lip, glancing to the side as you thought.

But your eyes caught the alarm clock on the bedside table.

“Shit, I have to go. I’ll let you know about tonight when I get back.”

“ _But wait—”_ You didn’t hear the rest of what she said as you clicked to end the call, jumping from your bed.

You threw on a pair of jeans and the closest t-shirt. You brushed your hair out, grumbling at it, wishing that you had woken up sooner to fix it properly. You then washed your face, putting on a simple makeup look given that it was nearly ten already.

You grabbed your purse and phone after throwing on comfortable shoes and the first jacket you saw.

You stuffed the business card in your purse once you had locked your apartment door, walking down the hall to the elevator.

The short journey there didn’t give you much time to think.

Waking up late didn’t give you much time to think.

As you stood in the crowded café, you tried to reason with yourself that showing up was a good idea.

But you couldn’t come up with one reason why this was actually a good idea.

Even if you were once friends, maybe it was best to remain strangers.

Life had happened to both of you. Maybe you were both now so different that you would never be friends.

Maybe it was for the best that you went your separate ways. Even if he never had a say in the decision.

You swayed from foot to foot as you glanced around, waiting for him to arrive.

And then there he was, stepping in through the door, looking so much larger than everyone else.

His eyes wandered until they met yours, a closed-mouth smile pulling at the corner of his lips.

Damn, he really did look good.

You clenched your jaw as you gave him a small smile back.

You stepped past people, apologizing as you did so, slowly making your way towards him.

“Hi.” You said shyly once you found him, standing so close.

“So, you showed up.” He shoved his hands in his pockets.

“I did.” You smiled up at him, arms crossing over your chest. “So, coffee?” You asked, pointing behind you.

You began to turn, deciding to make your way towards the line. But someone colliding with you, pushing you, making you nearly fall.

But instead of falling, your body collided with Charlie.

Your cheek planted into his chest, his hands coming up quickly, landing on your waist, them making your look and feel so small. Before you moved, you also got a smell of his cologne, of his signature scent.

It brought back the hazy memories of the night before.

Of the kiss.

Of what you imagined.

Of the craving you had for him.

You pushed away, not wanting to have those thought right here, in the middle of the morning.

“Sorry.” You mumbled as you felt your face glow red, turning once again. “I’ll grab a table if you want to just get me a black coffee.” You reached in your purse, handing him some cash. “And here’s this.”

You didn’t give him time to refuse as you shoved the bill against his chest, moving away quickly to find a place to sit.

You found an empty corner, sliding yourself into the small booth as you laid your purse next to you, glancing around once again.

You knew this coffee shop was popular, but you didn’t realize how busy it could be midmorning. It was a weekend, but you didn’t expect it to be so overwhelming and crazy.

After several minutes, Charlie returned, handing you your drink.

You thanked him, enjoying the warmth that radiated through your hands as you held onto it.

You took a small sip, watching him as he sat.

“Um, sorry about last night.” You started. “I guess I was just really drunk and reminiscing on the past.”

You both let out a small laugh.

“It’s okay.” He reassured you, his light brown eyes glancing up to you.

Your eyes met his, getting lost for a moment. All the memories flooding back.

The way he kissed you, so deep, so caring.

The way that you knew he could take care of you. That he was seemingly perfect. But then there was his wife. His whole life.

“So.” You decided to change the subject, hoping it wouldn’t be a mistake. “Tell me about yourself, about your life.”

You took a sip of your coffee as you listened, getting caught up on his life.

You had learned so much.

Turns out both of you were in LA at one point. Both staying in California for the beginning of your careers.

You learned that LA is where he met his wife, her being an actress. He told you that she was actually the lead actress in the show, leaving right after to catch a flight, taking her and their son out to LA.

Oh yeah, and you had just learned that he was a father, shuffling to ignore the fact that it actually turned you on to know that.

He always seemed like such the caring type, easily able to handle children. And to know that he was an actual father, and that he loved it. It was doing something to you.

That along with the crowd that just seemed to grow.

You flinched as someone passed by, a little too closely.

He paused in the middle of a sentence, looking at you with concern written all over his face.

“Something wrong?” He asked.

“No, no.” You reassured him. “I’m just not a fan of crowds.” You said as you motioned towards the people around you.

He glanced up, around at the people. “Let’s get out of here then.” He motioned his head as he stood, reaching a hand out towards you.

You didn’t take it as you stood up, pushing past him and out of the small café. You let your shoulders fall, a long exhale leaving you as you stepped outside, finally not stressed about the people.

“Sorry.” You said, turning to him. “Just not a people person.”

He let out a small laugh as he stepped up, now next to you. “You never were.”

A smile pulled at the side of your lips as you hugged yourself, trying to keep warm.

“So, what now?” He asked.

“I live just down the block.”

A mistake.

You inwardly scolded yourself. Why did you just invite him to your place? You knew it was a bad idea to have him back at your house. Not that you planned to do anything, but you wanted boundaries.

Even though you two had grown up together, he used to be your closest friend, you still had both changed, as both grown up so much. He was like a stranger now.

And having him in your apartment felt too weird. Too much.

But you were too afraid to take it back. Especially since he nodded, beginning to walk towards your apartment.

You clenched your jaw as you followed after him, having to walk fast to catch up with him, his tall legs carrying him much faster.

“Shit, slow down.”

He laughed again, as did you.

“Sorry.” He said as he slowed down, hands in his pockets as he walked next to you.

The rest of the walk was in silence, but thankfully it wasn’t too awkward as you both strode down the nearly empty streets of the city.

You finally approached your apartment building, stepping up the stairs and through the door as he followed.

Neither of you spoke until you stepped through the door to your apartment.

“So, this is it.” You said, as you slide off your jacket, hanging it before stepping in.

You glanced back to him.

It was weird to see him in your space. In your apartment. Back in your life, even if it was only the second time you had seen him since high school.

Everything was beginning to feel like it would be okay, like you could go back to being friends.

And then you caught his eyes. The way they darkened. The way he walked towards you.

And his next action.


	4. Denial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Smut (don’t forget this story contains cheating and mentions of cheating so I don’t recommend reading if this topic makes you uncomfortable)

You gasped as he easily lifted you onto the marble counter, feeling like you weighed nothing in his grasp.

His lips found solace in yours quickly, devouring you as his hands travelled down your sides, playing with your shirt, silently asking permission to peel it off.

But you were impatient, and in the heat of the moment, you weren’t thinking straight as you grabbed the hem of your shirt.

Your lips parted with his as you tore it off, discarding it to the side as your hands found his face once again, pulling him in and back to you.

Your tongue fought his for dominance, moaning at his taste. You bit and sucked at the plush and pink lips that you sorely missed. You gave in to the pure attraction you felt for him, at the need you had for him as you couldn’t help but pull him closer.

This was all you had ever wanted. But it was so wrong.

You pulled away, realizing how your thoughts contradicted your actions. But that wasn’t about to stop you.

“This is so wrong Charlie.” You got out through heavy breathes as you began to unbutton his shirt, him helping you.

“So wrong.” He mumbled back.

“You have a wife, a family.” You stammered out, shoving his now unbuttoned shirt past his shoulders, letting it fall to the ground. You didn’t listen as he mumbled, your eyes taking in the soft skin of his torso, how the muscles flexed under your gaze, the strong muscles he had built up over the years.

“I do.” He responded, lips again on yours as his hands found the back of your bra, taking you out of your lustful adoration. You followed his desperate actions, your hands soon finding his belt.

“You’re married.” You mumbled against his lips.

“I am.” He murmured back. His hands found your tits as your bra dropped. You moaned out against his lips as he kneaded them, pinching at your nipples, letting his fingers lightly graze the buds, feeling as they hardened.

“We really shouldn’t be doing this.” Your hand landed on his shoulder, the other against the counter underneath you as you watched him drop, his mouth finding one of your nipples with ease, causing you to let out an unstable breath, your jaw dropping open.

“We shouldn’t.” His eyes met yours as his tongue flicked your nipple. A small whine came from you, your back to arching into his touch.

“We should stop.” You whined out.

“We should.”

He was only agreeing with you, a half-hearted agreement, because he knew the truth. He knew you didn’t want to stop. And if he didn’t know from your actions and words, he would have soon found out from the damp underwear he was about to reveal.

He continued to pepper kisses down your bare torso as he undid the button to your pants, popping it open before wrapping his large hands around the waist band, pulling them down with ease.

You lifted your ass of the counter, assisting him in his efforts, wiggling and making it evident that you needed to get the pants off as fast as possible.

He threw them to the side, his darkened eyes taking you in as you sat in front of him with nothing on but your underwear.

His eyes were shining with something that you couldn’t make out. Something like hunger for you, but the hint of something more, something you nor he wanted to acknowledge. But that didn’t matter as his touch dragged your thoughts away from that small glint.

His large hands began to trail up your thighs, massaging them as his eyes came up, landing on yours.

“You’re so beautiful.” He breathed out, his eyes conveying a primal hunger and softness you had never seen before.

You couldn’t help but blush. Because of the way he was looking at you, because of how exposed you were, because you had waited years for this, and because you knew just how wrong it was and somehow didn’t care in the moment.

Without thinking, you reached forward, interlacing your fingers behind his neck, and pulled him in.

Your lips fought against his, so intense that your teeth were clashing together, but you didn’t care. All you cared about was getting as close to him as possible, to feel him, to taste him.

And you were willing to do whatever it took to get what you wanted. To get him.

You sighed, your jaw agape, as his lips left yours, making their way down your jaw, pausing for a moment on your pulse, planting a lingering kiss, before moving lower.

His eyebrows rose as he looked up at you with wide eyes as he took on of your nipple between his teeth. They were already hard and sensitive, so it didn’t take much for your back to arch on instinct, your chest pushing itself further into him, further into his touch.

You grasped onto the back of his hair as your head fell back, soft moans escaping your lips as his teeth and lips continued to attack your nipple.

“Fuck, Charlie, your mouth feels so good.” You got out between shallow breathes.

He hummed along your skin before he let go of your nipple with a loud smack, his mouth travelling down your torso, finding your covered mound.

Your brows dropped as your body shook from the sensation of his lips against you, your breath coming out in shallow pants as you simply watched.

He took in a long breathe through his nose, his eyes closing as he took in your scent.

“Shit baby, you smell so good.”

You let out another unstable breath, your arousal continuously flowing out of you at the sight of him, at his words, at the way he looked at you, everything.

You needed him inside of you. And you needed him now.

He pressed his tongue down against your clothed clit, causing you to whine, your brows scrunching in pleasure.

“Please Charlie.” You begged. “I need to feel you inside of me.”

Your eyes clamped shut as he laughed against you, his breath fanning across your mound making a small shiver flow through your body.

“Begging for me already baby? And I didn’t even tell you to. So needy for me.”

“Please Daddy.” You whined, your eyes opening, shocked by the name that had just left your lips.

Your head swung down to look at him, to gauge his reaction. Your eyes narrowed as you tried to read his expression.

He looked shocked, but a smile crept onto his face before he moved.

You watched as a single finger wrapped around your underwear, effectively sliding along your folds as he did so. You flinched at the contact, clenching in response. You really were needy.

He pulled your underwear off in one swift motion, his lips attached to you immediately.

“Fuck!” You screamed out as his tongue was suddenly inside of you, his nose running along your clit.

You nearly cried as he gave you exactly what you needed, touching and teasing right where you loved it. It felt like you and him had done it a million times before, like this wasn’t the first time.

“Such a good girl for Daddy, so wet and needy.” He purred against you.

His tongue dove into you once again, curling as he hit your sweet spot.

Your hips began to grind against his face involuntarily, small moans leaving you as you felt his nose run along your clit, just like how you imagined it the night before.

You began to grind faster on his face, making him laugh against you.

“So needy baby. My needy little thing.”

You shivered again, your peak growing so close, so close you could taste it.

“Charlie.” You moaned out. “I’m so fucking close.”

He pulled away for a moment, his breathing heavy before diving right back in.

His tongue continued to thrust into you, the warmth in your lower belly bursting and spreading throughout your entire body, warmth consuming you, as you screamed his name, chanting it as your body shook.

Your legs convulsed on his shoulders, his hands holding them tight against his body, the warmth of his hands only adding to the warmth that filled you.

You gripped tightly on his hair as you felt his breath on your center. You couldn’t exactly hear what he was saying but from the way his hands moved along the side of your legs, you knew he was praising you, watching you intently as you exploded in front of him.

“Such a good girl for me. Cumming on my tongue. You taste so good, so sweet. My little girl.” His words were hazy, sounding so far away as you finally came back down to reality.

You glanced down at him, his chin glistening with you, his cheeks red as his chest rose and fell dramatically.

He looked ethereal, like a dream, like this was all your imagination. But he was real. He was actually kneeling in front of you, covered in your arousal.

He had just made you cum so hard only using his tongue.

This man was magical.

“Beautiful.” He murmured.

You smiled down at him, your thumb running along his cheek, simply taking him in. The redness of his cheeks. The little stubble that was growing, only noticeable if you looked close enough. The moles that littered his pale skin. The way his eyes were wide, somehow a mix of dominating and childlike as his eyes danced across your face.

He leaned into your hand, pushing himself off of his knees so he could attach his lips to yours once again.

You hummed at your taste mixed with his. The scent of you mixed with the mint of his toothpaste, the brisk taste of the coffee he had just consumed.

You wrapped your arms and legs around him, pulling him closer as he wrapped his large arms around you.

You let out a small squeak as he picked you up effortlessly, mumbling against your lip.

“Bedroom?”

You didn’t open your eyes, knowing your apartment so well that you pointed in the direction of your bedroom, knowing he could find it easily. Your apartment wasn’t big and there were few doors, leaving it mostly an open space besides the bedroom and the two bathrooms.

Despite the directions, your main focus was on the taste and feeling of him. And the feeling of your exposed center against his bare torso.

He must have felt it too, a small shiver going through him as he found your bedroom, kneeling onto your bed, you still wrapped tightly in his arms.

He laid you down, sitting back to admire you once again.

“Stunning.”

He hovered over you, placing a soft kiss on your lips before one hand fell down, pushing down his already undone pants.

You reached down helping him to tear them off, your need growing once again. You really were desperate for this man.

From the angle you were at, you couldn’t see his cock as he pulled it free, but you could tell how big it was once he slid it along your folds, your back arching, hips thrusting towards him.

You glanced down as he continued to tease you, the head of his cock gliding along your clit.

And you gulped, a lump going back down your throat with the effort.

He was huge. The veins along his length were pulsing, the tip red like his lips. You knew that your hand would barely fit around him, that was how big his girth was.

And you craved it.

You craved being split open by him. Craved being torn apart. Craved your center to be aching from him. Craved the feeling of being so full that all you could think of was his name.

You wanted him so bad.

You leaned over, rummaging through the drawer of your nightstand, a rush of relief spreading through you as your fingers latched onto the plastic of the condom wrapper. You leaned back, handing it to him in a rush. You watched as his breathing was shallow, sitting back on his heels as he slid on the condom and then was back over top of you.

You grabbed onto his face.

“I want you to tear me open Daddy.” Your eyes were wide, child-like as you looked up to him.

Your words caused his eyes to darken, caused him to move further, to finally push into you.

Your legs tensed as he pushed just the head in, stopping as he groaned.

“So tight baby, so warm, you feel so good.”

Another whimper from you. His words were like a drug, like the only thing you ever needed to survive. If you could only have one thing for the rest of your life, it would be Charlie praising you like this. Treating you like a princess.

He began to push farther in, taking his time.

You glanced down, your breath shallow as you felt him inside of you, his cock rubbing against the perfect spot.

Your eyes widened when you realized he wasn’t even halfway in you, feeling so full already. Your head fell back as he moved more, a small doubt creeping in that you wouldn’t be able to take all of him.

But it wasn’t enough, and you needed all of him whether or not you could take it. You wrapped your legs around him, pulling him into you, his cock now fully sheathed inside of you.

You gasped as the sensation, how it felt like he hit your stomach. And the burning that spread from your center out through your legs and torso.

You wanted to cry from the pain, but the pleasure was more intense, drowning out any other feelings or sensations you had.

He stayed there for a moment, his eyes watching you, making sure you were okay before he began to pull out, slamming right back into you.

Your tits bounced with each thrust, with each roll of his hips.

You couldn’t see, but you could tell that he was gripping the sheets on either side of your head, his grunts and groans filling the air, mixing with your own moans and whimpers.

“Fuck baby, you’re so tight.”

A whine from you.

“My perfect little angel, my good little girl, letting Daddy ruin her like this.”

A moan.

“Moan for me baby.” A breath. “Louder, I want to hear you cry out my name as you cum on my cock.”

Your nails dug into his back, no longer restraining your moans as you let them fall, his name being included in the mix of incoherent sounds.

You were again close to your climax, your hand leaving his back, finding your clit as you rubbed fast circles, desperate for a release.

“I’m gonna cum Daddy.”

You could tell he was close to, in desperate need to feel you, his voice breathy and erratic.

“Cum for me baby girl. Cum for me right now, cum on Daddy’s cock.”

And that was it.

That familiar burst of the bubble of warmth occurred, but the intensity was so much more than you had ever experienced.

You cried out, yelling his name into the abyss as your body convulsed dramatically, some of the most primal, animalistic sounds coming out of you as you had an out of body experience.

Your soul left your body, drifting up, watching every motion and twitch that occurred beneath. From the way his back muscles flexed, to the way your jaw hung open. The way your tits bounced, your body convulsing, your nails digging into him. The way his hips rolled aggressively into you, the way your toes curled.

It was ethereal. Perfect. Everything you had ever dreamed of and more.

And it was all because of him.

You finally came back down to earth, your convulsions calming, only the occasional twitch as your body completely relaxed, so open to him.

He pounded into you a few more times, his moans filling your ears, knowing he felt so good, wanting to make him feel this good all the time.

“I’m gonna cum baby, I’m gonna cum so hard inside of you.” He grunted out.

You nodded your head.

“I want to hear you say it, use your words baby.”

“Cum inside of me Daddy.” You managed to get out, your body still sliding back, your tits bouncing as his movements became sloppy, uneven.

Then there was the final thrust.

The noises caught in his throat, escaping as you felt his cock twitch, spilling his seed. You felt his body get tight as his thrust slowed down, his moans and grunts becoming more quiet and fewer. Then his body softened, his eyes looking back up to you, meeting yours in a lust-filled gaze.

You pulled him to you, kissing him hard.

As your lips intertwined and fought his, he collapsed on top of you, causing you to groan sarcastically, a little giggle leaving as you held his face close to yours.

He kissed you again before pulling out. He pulled off the condom, pulled himself off the bed and disappeared into the bathroom.

He returned with a damp towel, cleaning you off as you watched, your heart warming at his kindness.

No one you had ever had sex with was this kind, never taking the time to help you, take care of you, only turning over and falling asleep.

This was intimate. It felt natural, it felt right.

He continued to wipe the mix of his cum and your cum from your thighs, moving to plant his lips on your leg, caressing the other. He left kisses along your leg, moving to your stomach, and then higher.

He laid himself on top of you once again, letting his hands glide along your sides as you smiled onto his lips.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered. “I’ve wanted to do that since the first day I met you.”

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long too.”

He pulled away slightly, a giddy look on his face.

“Really?”

You nodded. “Really.”

He leaned down again, kissing you with a new fire, a new passion.

He rolled over, turning you on your side, pulling you towards him so that your back was flush against his chest.

He peppered your ear and neck with kisses before he spoke.

“My baby, my princess.” He whispered into your ear.

You were so happy that you felt like you could purr. Something he must have noticed too.

“Or maybe my kitten?” He questioned jokingly. “Since you purr when you’re happy.” You both let out small laughs.

Your smile widened as you laid there, so close to him, so incredibly happy that you never wanted to let go, never wanted this moment to end.

You wanted him to be there forever, to never let you go.

You found comfort and warmth in his arms. You found what you had always been looking for. But there was nagging feeling that refused to go away no matter how happy you were, no matter how far you buried it inside of you. It would always come back. Always haunt you.

That feeling would be like a weight on your shoulders. You might be able to get used to it, but you never wanted it there. You never wanted that burden. Never wanted to carry it for eternity.

But it was a burden you had to bear now. A burden that you didn’t want to handle, but knew you had to. Sooner or later.

You took a deep breath in, slowly exhaling all the negative thoughts before you spun around in his arms.

Your mouth opened to speak but you realized he must have fallen asleep.

A single strand of his hair hung over his eyes, his eyes lids twitching every so often, his chest rising and falling at an even pace.

You let a small smile spread across your lips, finding peace and happiness in this moment. Finding the security you always craved, but refused to acknowledge until now. Until you found Charlie again.

Your burden could wait a little longer.

That inevitable conversation could be pushed off one more day.

That nagging feeling could be pushed down, buried, forgotten about for a little while longer.

All while you watched Charlie sleep peacefully. A small part of your dream becoming a reality. Your world getting that much brighter.

The discussion about his life without you could wait.

The discussion that made you face the idea that Charlie didn’t belong to you could wait.

The reality of your life could wait.

All while you watched Charlie Barber sleep restfully in your bed.


	5. Secrecy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Alcohol

You took a deep breath in as your eyes fluttered open. You smiled widely as the only thing in your field of vision was a sleeping Charlie.

You let your eyes wander across his face, taking in his appearance.

He looked so peaceful. His eyelids fluttered as his eyes moved, small pieces of his hair falling into his face, tickling your nose based on your proximity to him. His lips were slightly parted, a small humming noise leaving them with each breath.

His chest rose, as well as his shoulders as his breathing remained even, still in a deep state of sleep. His arm was slung over you, your naked bodies entangled as you both remained still, silent.

You smiled as you watched him. Watched as Charlie slept so peacefully next to you.

You had seen him asleep before, the several times that you either slept at his house or he slept at yours. But those days were different. Those days you were young and stupid. Those days you were too afraid to make any move.

Now you could see him up close and feel incredibly happy.

But the creeping feeling of what you had just done kept rising. But you pushed it back down. Not yet, not now. You wouldn’t ruin this small bit of happiness just yet.

You leaned forward, softly laying your lips on his, taking his top lip in between yours.

They were so soft, like warm pillows. You let your lips linger as you felt him suck in air harshly through his nose, his grip around you tighten, and his lips respond. You smiled into it as he flipped on his back, effectively pulling you on top of him.

You pulled your lips away, your smile wide as you looked down at him.

“Sleep good?” You asked, your eyes dancing as his did the same, trying to take in every small detail possible.

“So good.” He said before his head rose, catching your bottom lip between his teeth. “So good.” He murmured once again.

You let out an excited giggle as his hand slid down your back, wrapping your legs around his torso.

Your hips began to unconsciously grind against him, spreading your slick against his torso, it already so much just after waking up, being around him always doing the most things to your body. His hands ran up and down your back as his lips began to move more aggressively against yours.

You let out a breathy moan against his lips as you felt one of his hands slide down to your ass, his entire hand covering it as he squeezed, a wicked smile spreading across his lips as he watched your reaction.

You kept grinding, kept peppering kisses against his skin, moving down his jaw as you felt his hardening cock against the inside of your thigh.

“Round two?” You asked, letting out a small laugh as you heard him groan lowly at your thigh sliding against his sensitive cock.

“Fuck, baby.” He groaned. “I want you to—”

You both wiped your heads to your bedroom door as you heard a storm of aggressive and thundering knocks on your apartment door. And then the voice of the last person you wanted to see echoing through your living space.

“Shit, shit, shit.” You mumbled as you reluctantly tore yourself off of Charlie. You grabbed the closest sweatshirt, one that you thought came from one of the many one-night stands who kept leaving random things, but you couldn’t be sure which one.

You threw the material over your naked body as you turned back to Charlie. He looked terrified, worried, confused.

“Bathroom.” You told him, reaching to pull him off the bed. You helped him collect his clothes as you heard Mary Ann yell your name again.

“Be there soon!” You yelled back, so loud and close to Charlie that he flinched. But this wasn’t the time to worry about that. You needed him hidden away.

You shoved him in your bathroom, hoping that Mary Ann wasn’t interested in your bedroom. Before you stepped away, he softly grabbed your chin, turning your head towards him. He pulled you into a lingering kiss before stepping back, pulling the bathroom door shut.

You smiled lowly, a wave of confidence spreading through you, taking away some of the anxiety clinging to every bit of you as you stepped out of your bedroom and towards the door.

You opened it, opening your mouth to greet Mary Ann, but she shoved past you, speaking first.

“You didn’t answer your phone, _again_.”

You rolled your eyes at her, frustration growing.

“Why are you here again?”

She spun around, standing in the center of your kitchen.

“I’m pretty sure we agreed on having a dinner in tonight.”

You blinked, attempting to remember what she was talking about.

“I thought that was next week?”

She let out a huff of air resembling a laugh.

“Nope.” She spun around, placing down the brown bag she had in her arms. She began to pull out the take-out she had brought. The smell hit your nose, making a deep noise in your gut to flutter up.

Your hand landed on your stomach, suddenly aware of just how hungry you were. Famished from not eating much that day, and the strenuous activity that you and Charlie participated in.

But your mind was soon racing about something completely different. Many scenarios of how the next few minutes could go ran through your mind. How could you get Charlie out without Mary Ann noticing? How could you get Mary Ann out? Should you get rid of Mary Ann or Charlie?

But there was one thing you were sure of. Mary Ann could never figure out that Charlie was in your apartment.

You were frozen in your spot as your mind ran. Your lips separated in thought, your brows furrowed.

“What are you wearing?” Mary Ann asked as she continued, stepping towards the fridge to pull out the chilled Rosé. You glanced up to her, noticing the small scowl of disgust as she took in your clothes. Or rather more like the lack thereof.

“Oh, this?” You said as you glanced down. You shrugged your shoulders before responding. “Some guy left it and I took it.”

She let out a quiet giggle. “Fuck a guy and steal his stuff? Scandalous.”

A smile crept on your lips. “Not like you haven’t done the same.”

She smiled back at you, pausing in her process. “I still have a pen that fell out of Charlie’s pocket as he stripped.”

You bit your lip, trying not to gasp or laugh or cry. Which one would be the real reaction, you weren’t sure.

But it brought your mind back to Charlie. And how you were going to sneak him out.

“Um, Mary Ann.” She turned to you, eyes wide and waiting. “Maybe you should go wash your hands before getting into the food. Good hygiene you know.” You shrugged, hoping that your words came off as casual despite the racing of your heart.

Plus, you were being honest, you did not want her to touch the food without washing her hands, it was basic hygiene.

“Oh shit, you’re right.” She said as she stepped towards your bedroom.

“Wait.” You followed after her. “My bathroom doesn’t have any hand soap left. You should just use the guest bathroom.”

She stopped, nodded, and turned.

You let out a silent sigh of relief, your shoulders dropping, as you watched her step away.

She had this habit of shutting the bathroom door no matter what, so you let your shoulder sag even more in relief as she shut the door behind her.

You turned, nearly running as you slipped into your room, lightly knocking on the bathroom door, leaning back to make sure that Mary Ann was still busy.

You turned again as Charlie quietly and slowly opened the door, now fully dressed.

Without words, you pulled him out, directing him towards the entrance.

“I’m sorry.” You said, eyes still behind you as you watched the bathroom door intently as you pushed him out of the door.

He spun around, grabbing your hands, causing you to glance towards him.

“Don’t apologize.” He smiled down at you before pulling your chin up, leaning to press his lips onto yours for one last time. You sighed into him, tasting him, letting yourself get lost in your small fantasy for one moment longer.

But it was broken faster than it begun as you heard the door behind you crack open.

You pulled away, shoving him out and slamming the door shut before spinning around.

“I love that hand soap, where’d you get it?” She asked.

“Just the drug store.” You said as you stepped back into the kitchen. “So, what did you get?” You asked, drawing her attention back to the night ahead. Trying your best not to think about Charlie or how you didn’t plan on speaking to him ever again after today. The fantasy over. The magic dissipated. The reality slamming into your gut with the force of a freight train.

-

“I know you had a guy here earlier.” Mary Ann’s words were slurred as she spoke, already on her fourth glass of wine.

“What?” You asked as innocently as possible. Wine didn’t affect you the same way, and you were only on your second glass, so you were stone cold sober.

“I watched you slam the door. And you were totally naked under that sweatshirt, plus the nerves, you kinda suck at hiding them.”

You let out a nervous giggle, hoping that she hadn’t caught who it was.

“It was just a nobody, someone I met this morning at the coffee shop around the corner.” You clenched your jaw, hoping that you weren’t giving away too much information, that it wouldn’t come back to bite you in the ass.

“I hope he was a good fuck.” She said as she let her head fall to the side with a sigh.

“So good.” You mumbled under your breath, remembering the way that he made you feel. How well he filled up, the incredible orgasms you experienced at his touch.

“Anyway, so,” Mary Ann continued, moving on with ease. “My plan is to just walk up to him at the theater and just grab him and kiss him so good that he _has_ to fuck me up.”

You silently scolded her. She was so forward, not caring about anyone else’s feeling, only her own wants and desires.

“Mary Ann, you can’t do that.” You said as you stared up at the ceiling, knowing exactly who she was referring to.

“Who the fuck says I can’t.” She covered her mouth as air escaped from her stomach.

“I don’t know.” You said sarcastically and somewhat bitterly. “Maybe his wife and kid.”

“Well, he’s a big boy, he can decide who he fucks.”

“Yeah, but he has a responsibility to them. To his family.” Your words were beginning to feel like more of a lecture for yourself and not for her. You wrapped your arms around yourself, reassuring yourself that everyone makes bad decisions, that what happened today was between two grown adults, deciding to engage in that, knowing full well the consequences.

That it was all okay.

But it didn’t feel that way. And your mind kept wandering to his family. To his responsibility. To the life he had that didn’t and would never involve you.

“Wait.” Mary Ann’s voice brought you back to the moment. “Did I tell you he had a kid?”

You turned your head to face her. “I think so.”

“No, no, no.” She shook her head as she spoke. “I never did.” She coughed as she turned her body more towards you.

“You’re off the wall right now, I don’t think you remember much.” You turned your head towards the ceiling once again.

“No.” She said sternly. “I barely said anything about him, only about his job, his wife, and me fucking him so good that he could have cried, he didn’t, but he could have.”

You laughed at her words. At her confidence level. At how ridiculous she sounded right now.

“You talked to him. I know it.”

“Mary Ann.” You warned her.

She said your name in a mocking tone.

“Just pick a movie and let’s not talk about him anymore.”

She whined at you. “But I want him so bad, and I know he wants me. _Please_ , can we _please_ , just talk about how you’re gonna help me? It’s all I want out of life.”

You laughed at her, your arms wrapping around you. “You’re so dramatic, you know that?”

“Maybe I am.” She huffed. “But I just want a good dick and that’s all.”

Understandable. Charlie was well endowed, and he fucked so good. He was a dream man.

You let out a long and level exhale as you closed your eyes, the flash of the movie playing in front of you illuminating your eye lids as you slowly fell into a light sleep.

All the while thinking about the one man you knew you could never have.

-

“You know I’m pretty sure he’s getting a divorce.”

You opened your eyes, spinning your head towards a now spread-out Mary Ann. Her eyes were still on the screen as the end credits continued to roll. Her eyelids looked heavy as she slowly blinked, a small yawn leaving her as she finally glanced at you.

“What?” You asked.

“His and his wife pretty much hate each other, fighting all the time.” She sighed. “They don’t seem happy anymore either.”

“And you know all this because?” You asked.

“Just a feeling.”

“You can’t just make an assumption like that, especially about a situation you know nothing about.”

She audibly sighed. “It’s clear as day.” She said your name as she turned back to the screen, reaching to find the remote.

“I’m convinced one of them will get served in the next few months.”

“You seem so sure of that.”

“I’ve been around them both, a lot.” She sighed as she readjusted her position. “I notice things.”

“Like what? His eyes that are only for you.” You joked with her.

“No.” She scoffed, faking offense at your statement, even though you knew if only boosted her ego. “They just used to be so happy, carefree, and now they.” She paused for a moment, thinking. “They just aren’t.”

You thought for a moment, wondering what that could mean. If she was being serious. She seemed in a reasonable state of mind in that moment.

“Plus,” She yawned. “I’m pretty sure he’s fucking any and every girl he can get his hands on, probably because she won’t fuck him anymore.” Her words sounded bitter, but you didn’t pay any mind to her last phrase. Your mind already somewhere else.

You didn’t have the head space to scold her again, not that you had even payed attention after the bomb she had unknowingly dropped. All that you could think of was what that meant for you. If you should talk to him. If you should reach out in anyway.

You used to know Charlie so well, but did you really know him now? Was it your place to say anything now? Would he even want you to ask? Let alone even know about it?

You didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know what your place in all this was. Didn’t know if you even had a place.

Yeah, he may have fucked you senseless nearly ten hours before, but that didn’t mean anything. That didn’t make up for the fifteen years that you didn’t speak. The way you abandoned him, left him behind.

You closed your eyes, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to breach your eyes as you scolded yourself for your reckless actions. You couldn’t help but think about all the possibilities. All the ways that life could have turned out if you didn’t leave Charlie. If you had kept in touch. If you had brought him with you. Done something, anything, to have kept him.

But here you were, on the verge of tears because the man you cared about so deeply was going through a terrible thing, something you couldn’t even imagine, and you didn’t know if you could help, didn’t know if he wanted you to, all because of the worst decision of your life. The decision to leave every part of your past life behind.

“Fuck it. I’m ordering some pizza.”

You laughed at her sudden change in subject.

“Are you really that hungry?”

She grunted as she pushed herself off the couch. She stepped past you, stopping as she glanced down at your phone.

“You got a text.” She said plainly as she stepped away, finding her own phone and typing in the number for her favorite pizza place.

You heard her voice from a distance as she ordered as you leaned forward, grabbing your phone.

Your eyes squinted at the brightness, taking in the time. It wasn’t late, but late enough that you could have easily fallen asleep.

You scrolled through the obscene number of notifications, not having checked your phone for the entirety of the day. But one caught your eye. One that made your heart skip a beat, made you feel like a teenager again.

You glanced back, making sure that Mary Ann didn’t see as you opened your phone, opening your texts to see what Charlie had said.

You stared at it, letting your imagination fly as you smiled down at it.

_I miss you already, my sweet thing._

Your heart fluttered at the pet name. At the endearing feeling of the text. At the way that it made all your worries disappear.

But they all came flooding back as you replayed the conversation that you and Mary Ann just had.

Was she right? Or was it just her perspective. Was she being selfish in her assumptions? Or was Charlie’s marriage actually falling apart.

You would never know. And you didn’t want to make assumptions.

But you did know that you needed to get another drink, something stronger.

You stood up, making your way towards the kitchen as you realized that Mary Ann was no longer on the phone.

You stepped towards the fridge, a sudden chill running down your spine. You had the weird feeling that something was about to go terribly wrong, a gut feeling that was never wrong.

You spun around, brows furrowed, lips parted. Your confused expression matched Mary Ann’s, but hers was about something more solid. Literally.

Your eyes widened as they travelled down to what she held in her hand. Your heart stopped, your breathing halting.

It was harmless, only a note about coffee, but you knew that she would have the intuition to know that it meant more. That it would have led to more.

Your breath never came back to you, a lump getting caught in your throat as she finally glanced up to you.

“Is Charlie the guy you snuck out earlier?”


	6. Encounters

“What?” You asked, including a small laugh of disbelief. Your mind was racing, not sure how to react. How to hide the truth from her. “Why would you think that?”

She spun the card to you. “Because you said you fucked a guy from the coffee shop around the corner, and this is Charlie telling you to go to the coffee shop around the fucking corner.”

“That’s just a coincidence.” You shrugged, your heart racing as it lodged itself in your throat.

“A big fucking coincidence.” She scoffed.

“Mary Ann.” You said as you took a step forward. “Charlie is from my past life, a life I want to forget, that I’ve been successful at never looking back to,” A blatant lie, “I don’t want anything to do with him.” Another lie. “That’s why I ignored that, ignored his request.”

“Then why were you at the coffee shop in the first place.”

“I didn’t sleep good, plus I wanted something different. It’s the weekend after all, I wanted a treat, a fancy, ridiculously priced coffee.” You said with a small, nervous laugh.

You watched as her face contorted in thought. As she pieced together your words, your story. As she tried to pick it apart for any clue as to whether or not you were lying to her. But she soon came up with nothing.

“Did you call him?”

A harsh swallow. “No.”

“Did you consider it?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because he’s part of my past life. A life I want nothing to do with.” Another lie.

“But…but.” She paused, glancing back down at the card.

“But what?” You blinked quickly, shocked at your own defensive tone.

“But why not reconnect?”

You sighed, your hand coming up, rubbing at your temple. The headache that was barreling toward you was something you really didn’t want in this moment.

“Because I don’t want him in my life.”

“But he’s so kind and caring and a good guy.”

“Exactly.” You dropped your hand, your intense gaze on her. “Because he has the perfect life, and I don’t want to fuck it up by trying to be his friend.”

Her brows furrowed, her confusion still obvious. So, you continued, deciding to reveal only a small sliver of your past to her.

“Our friendship didn’t end on the best note. I had a fucked-up life, my family hated me. So, I left, I ran, and I abandoned them and him in the process.” You clenched your jaw, fighting another bout of tears.

Your past was a sensitive subject. One you never shared with anyone. One you never wanted to share. Something you were desperate to forget. But it was all fighting back, trying to resurface and ruin all the progress you had made. Ruining the sliver of happiness that you had. Threatening to tear you apart once again.

Starting with finding Charlie again. And now trying to explain why you didn’t want him back in your life, explain why you and he could never be friends to the one person who you didn’t think would ever understand. The selfish person who wanted to use you for her own gain. The one woman who you thought could be your friend.

“Can’t you just, I don’t know, talk to him about it?” She glanced at you with so much curiosity in her facial expression.

She was right, even if she was referring to something else. You should at least have that conversation with him, the inevitable conversation about what your relationship would look like from here on out, the conversation that would determine whether or not you ever spoke to him again. It needed to happen, despite how much you didn’t want to, despite how heartbreaking and painful it would be. Despite your instinct to protect your heart. You knew it was the right thing to do.

But it was the worst thing to say to you in that moment.

“Out.” You nearly barked at her, your arm coming up and pointing to the door. You wanted her gone, and now.

“W-what?” She stammered, eyes wide as she looked at you.

“I need to be alone, get out of my apartment.” Your voice was low and confident, hiding the tears that were threatening to appear and spill of the threshold of your eyelids.

“But…but why?” She remained in her place, finally dropping the business card.

“I need to be alone.” Your eyes met hers, a glare of anger emanating from you.

You watched, silent, as her expression locked up, parted lips coming back together, eyes now full of anger.

She turned, grabbing her things, pulling her phone out, typing away as she most likely was organizing a ride.

You remained silent and set in your place as she threw on her jacket, making her way to the door. But she stopped, staring at the ground for a moment before glancing back at you, a serious look in her eyes that you had never seen before.

“If you want to kick me out, just know one thing.”

You swallowed as you waited for her to continue.

“You’ll never be good enough for him.”

Your breathing caught in your throat as the metaphorical arrow sliced through you, tearing a hole in your chest.

You were frozen in place, unable to move as you watched her leave.

You tried to draw in a breath, but you couldn’t. It was like your body stopped working, unable to complete basic tasks for life.

The one person that you thought was your friend had just gone and ripped an unforgiving hole through you. She hit you where it hurt the most. Where you had already been wounded so many times before. Where you had healed over and over, only scar tissue left.

And now it was exposed once again.

You grabbed at the counter as your legs gave out, crashing to the floor as you continued to gasp for air.

Your hands grabbed at the side of your head, grasping and pulling hard at your hair.

Flashbacks. Reminders. Why you left home. What brought you here. All of it was flooding back.

_You’ll never be enough._

_You won’t measure up to what we know you can be if you follow that course._

_You’ll only be useful if you follow in the footsteps of us, your parents._

_You’ll never be happy._

_You don’t deserve happiness._

The constant reminders. The constant threats. The constant belittling. Everything that you parents told you that you didn’t deserve. Every sliver of happiness that they ruined. Every bit of hope they tore from your grasp.

They didn’t love you.

No one would ever love you.

You were utterly worthless.

And Mary Ann had just reminded you of that fact. Something you had managed to push far down into the deepest part of your subconscious. And now here it sat, directly in front of you with bright lights and blaring siren.

You grasped harder at your hair, shoving, pushing, trying to will away the memories, the negative thoughts and emotions. But nothing was working. Your frustration was only growing.

And so your body took over, doing the only thing that it knew. The only response it deemed appropriate.

A blood-curdling scream.

-

Your eyelids felt heavy, your shoulder ached, your head pounded as you slowly gained consciousness.

You moved your arm, managing to push yourself up into a seated position. Your heavy eyes wandered around, soon realizing where you were.

You had ended up falling asleep on your kitchen floor. The bright light of the morning sun seeping in through the windows.

You willed yourself to stand up, finding your phone and grumbling once you realized the time.

Thankfully it was a Sunday morning, therefore you didn’t have many responsibilities, but it still wasn’t great that you had slept until nearly noon.

You grumbled as you made your way back to your bedroom, stretching all of the tightness and aches from your body after sleeping on such a hard surface.

You glanced at your phone again, hoping for any message form Mary Ann. You weren’t totally sure what happened the night before, whether it was her raging jealously or the fact that you were so transparent that she saw directly through your lies.

But you just wanted to explain. Wanted the chance to tell her everything. But you doubted you ever would. She was a strong-headed person, always stuck in her ways. And if anyone did anything to wrong her, she wouldn’t give them the time of day to explain, to redeem themselves.

And it appeared that you had gotten yourself into that situation.

And despite the lack of any attempt at communication from her end, you had several messages from someone who was desperate to get your attention.

Charlie.

He had called several times that morning as well as sending several different text messages. So many notifications, that it took you nearly fifteen minutes to go through them all, including the couple of voicemails he left.

They started out sweet, innocent. He said good morning, asked how you were doing, joking about how sore you probably were. But after a few hours of you not responding, his messages became panicked.

He called, left a message, wondering if you were okay. He had apologized if he made you uncomfortable, apologized and said it was okay if you thought it was all a mistake, but that he just needed to hear from you. And then when you still didn’t answer, he became worried.

He texted asking if he needed to come over, if he should check up on you. His last message entailed a phrase along the lines of “ _just text me something like ‘I’m super’ if you need me to come and rescue you”_. You could also hear the panic rising in his voice.

It was endearing. It made you smile and laugh at how protective he was being.

It reminded you of the days when you two were best of friends.

But again, that sharp pain hit you as you remembered these weren’t the good old day. You two weren’t best of friends. You couldn’t just laugh it off and pretend like nothing had happened. Something significant had happened.

And despite your newfound desire to ignore him and disappear into your own pile of despair again, you sent him a short and sweet text.

_No need to worry. I’m perfectly fine. Just slept in later than usual._

And that was it. That was your only response to the onslaught of messages you received from him.

But it was what you needed to do. You needed to distance yourself from him. Needed to go back to the life you had a few days before. The life that didn’t include Charlie Barber.

As you changed into more comfortable attire, you heard your phone ding again. As you glanced over to check it, you noticed Charlie’s name.

You picked up your phone, wondering why he would respond so fast and how he would respond to such a short and clipped message.

_Glad to hear it, hope to see you again soon._

Shit. Would you see him again? Would you agree to this illicit affair? Half of you was pulling yourself back, telling you it was a bad idea and that it would never turn out the way you wanted. So many things could go wrong, so many things could turn on their heads and leave you in ruins.

But the stronger side of you, the side that pushed you forward into doing terrible things, the side of you that gave you the worst heartbreak and the best memories, pushed you towards him. It pushed you to say yes, to agree to this affair, to see him again.

And just like that part of you always did, it won, it barreled you towards him, towards a terrible decision.

So you texted him back.

_When can I see you again?_

A ding.

_What about tomorrow night?_

A wide smile spread across your face as you glanced down at your phone.

_I can’t wait._

A few second later.

_Me neither._

And so, you set your phone down, happiness emanating from you as the smile never left your face, as you threw on comfortable, but appropriate clothes to take yourself down to the coffee shop, to treat yourself to something sweet.

Even though you really didn’t deserve it.

You grabbed your purse and phone before leaving the apartment, the stupid grin still plastered on your face.

You stepped on the elevator as one of your neighbors ran, laughing and smiling at you as you held the door open for them.

“In a bit of a rush?” You asked the younger girl, Isabella, you thought was her name.

“I’m interviewing for a job today.”

Your brows furrowed, confused as to why she would be interviewing on a Sunday.

“Oh,” You said. “Why on a Sunday?”

She glanced up to you from her phone. “I know.” She nodded. “Sounds really weird, but it’s not like a typical job or job interview.” She took a moment to adjust her back before continuing. “I’m interviewing to be a babysitter.”

“Oh, that’s awesome!” You remembered babysitting for a few people when you were younger, but you never made it your job that carried you through high school.

“Yeah!” Her smile beamed, her eyes full of excitement, as she spoke to you. “I’m super excited. It’s for this couple that both work in theater. They just have one son, but they’re both so busy now that they need someone to watch him, or at least that’s what the wife told me. She said that she needs to find someone as soon as possible so I agreed to have the interview today. I don’t really need the job, given that I live with my parents in this crazy nice apartment building, but it’s nice to have something to do other than sit at home and do nothing, especially during the school breaks.”

You smiled as she ranted on, giving you way too much information than was necessary between two people who were practically strangers. But it was endearing to see how kind she was and how open she could be.

There needed to be more people like that in the world. People who were carefree and didn’t have a single worry.

You wished you could be that way. Wished you could go back and live your life differently. But it was too late for you, and you hoped that Isabella could live the life that you never could.

The ding of the elevator door opening pulled you out of your thoughts.

“Where is your interview?” You asked the girl as you both made your way out of the building and onto the fairly quiet streets of the big city.

“The café just around the corner.” She answered with confidence.

“I’m headed that way too, what a coincidence.” You smiled as you both began to make you trek just around the corner.

The small talk was easy, light, as you both rounded the corner, the walk only a few minutes.

And as you stepped in, you both parted ways, you stepping up to the counter while Isabella stepped off to the side, seeing the woman she was meeting with.

You greeted the people you knew, smiling and asking how they were.

The older barista and his wife were finally moving out of the city, deciding to live closer to their children and grandchildren.

The older woman who occupied a specific table at the same time every Sunday, had finally finished the book you had recommended to her.

The younger guy who worked behind the counter putting on his best smile, trying hard to flirt with you as you gave him the best uninterested and disgusted look you could. Not that he would ever stop trying.

So you went about your normal Sunday routine, given it was a few hours later than normal and you were treating yourself to a different drink, with the same positivity that you tried your best to display.

But as soon as you turned around, your fate chose a different course.

“Shit.” You said as you glanced down at your now spilled drink.

You had turned and bumped into someone, spilling your drink all over you, the ground, and the other person.

“I am so sorry.” She sounded apologetic as she grabbed napkins, handing some to you as she dapped off her own clothing.

“It’s really not a big deal.” You gave her a warm smile even though you wanted to scream your head off. You were really excited for that expensive and unique coffee.

“Here, let me get you another coffee.” She offered, stepping back up to the counter.

“No really.” You spoke up. “It’s not a big deal, there’s still plenty left.” You gave her another warm smile as you watched her shoulders relax.

As you both finished cleaning up the mess from the incident, you began to talk.

“I’m just so nervous today.” She said as she tossed away the last few soiled napkins. “I don’t have my head on right.” She let out a small huff of air as she turned back towards you. “It’s just, I have to hire this new babysitter for my son and I just got back from visiting family, there’s just a lot going on and apparently I can’t watch where I’m going.” She said as she motioned towards the stains that now covered your shirt and hers.

“Really.” You placed hand on her shoulder. “It’s not a big deal. I hope everything works out with the babysitter.”

“Thanks.” She smiled at you.

And as you smiled back, you realized she looked so familiar, but you couldn’t quit place her.

“I’m so sorry, but you seem so familiar.”

She didn’t seem ready for the abrupt change in subject, causing her to furrow her brows, but she soon accepted it, offering a few words.

“Oh, I’m not sure.” She seemed confused, like she didn’t know what to say.

“Like I’ve seen you somewhere, but I have no idea.” You realized what you were saying sounded ridiculous. “I know that sounds weird, sometimes I can’t control my thoughts.” You said with an awkward laugh.

“No, it’s okay.” She laughed as well. “I mean, I’m in a new Broadway show, maybe you’ve seen it?” She asked.

And then it all clicked.

You had seen her before. She was one of the lead actresses in the Charlie’s theater show. You had seen her the night you first spoke to him again. The night that your life flipped upside down. And now here she was standing in front of you.

The woman that was married to the man who you had fucked not even 24 hours before. The woman that had made Charlie Barber perfectly happy. The woman that shared a child with the man that you adored more than anyone.

The reason why you couldn’t have Charlie fully.

“Shit.” 


	7. Reunions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Alcohol use

A week had passed since you had last seen Charlie. You had awoken each morning with an onslaught of messages. They ranged from things such as Good morning to Are you still alive? Do you hate me? And all of them you promptly ignored.

It was a reality check for you to meet Nicole. She was so kind and sweet, her smile infectious. And it only made the guilt more intense.

You didn't trust Mary Ann in the information about her marriage that she had given you, she was biased after all, so all you could think about was how you had sex with her husband. You were the one who stepped between them. You were the one who had gotten between their marriage. Whether or not Nicole knew that yet.

And it ate away at you every day since then. The idea that you could have ruined their marriage. The fact that you seemed to ruin everything that you touched. You had a history of it.

And just like you always had, you ruined this too.

You laid on your bed, on your back while you stared up at the ceiling.

It was another day. Another day of your uneventful existence.

"Shit." You flinched as your obnoxiously loud alarm sounded on your nightstand. You sighed as you turned over, reaching for your phone.

Once you silenced the alarm, you rolled onto your back once again. You closed your eyes, taking a deep and long breath in before letting it go. Before pushing yourself up and out of the bed.

It was Saturday. Another week of workouts and training and burly athletes. Another week of drinking and random one-night stands.

And you had done a lot of that the past week.

There had been several guys, sometimes even two at once. All to drown out the idea of Charlie. To drown out your guilt. To forget the past.

But it wasn't that easy.

And the thoughts weren't going away. One guy couldn't hit the right spot like Charlie did. Another guy was in such a rush. Another couldn't find the right spots, even when you tried to direct him.

None of them were like Charlie. And he was the only one on your mind as you attempted to sleep on those night. When you laid next to another man that you didn't even know the name of. When you couldn't shut your mind off. All that was there was Charlie and the many memories.

Most of the nights were filled with alcohol, sex, and tears. Crying silently as you eventually lulled yourself to sleep.

And last night was no different.

So the incredible headache that appeared once you sat up was no surprise.

You rubbed at your temple as you let your head hang, gathering yourself before stepping up. You didn't feel like tumbling over and hurting yourself to start off the weekend.

And despite it being the weekend, you weren't excited for it. You had decided that if Mary Ann didn't reach out to you at all throughout the week, that you would be the one to do so. Today would be that day. And you weren't excited for it. You had mentally prepared yourself for it, but now that the day was here, it was proving to be more difficult than you expected.

But at least it was taking your mind off Charlie. Kind of.

You eventually pulled yourself up, grabbing a t-shirt and shorts before stepping into the bathroom.

Once you had gone through your morning routine and taken something to ease your headache, you stepped into the kitchen to make yourself breakfast.

You mind began to wander. Thoughts of Charlie hit your mind like a tidal wave. What was he doing now? What was his morning like? He had a wife and kid. You wondered what that would be like? What would it be like if you were there? If you were his wife. If you were the mother of his children. Would that have been you if you chose a different route in life? What if you told him how you felt back when you were both eighteen?

No.

You couldn't do that to yourself. You couldn't put yourself through that again. You had been doing so well. You hadn't been so caught up in the past. But Charlie had to come along again and ruin that. He had to show up again and make you reminisce on all the wonderful memories you had with him from your past. You had got your head out of that past, even if it had taken so many years, but you did it. And one interaction, well more than one, made you fall back into that same pattern.

And now here you were. You had sex with a married man. You couldn't stop thinking of the past. Your regrets and mistakes. And you were all alone. Just like your mother had told you that you would be. All alone because you had made the wrong choices in life.

You swallowed harshly as you felt the tears start to fill in your eyes, your vision blurring.

And then you jumped for the second time that morning. Your phone began to ring on the counter near where you stood.

You leaned over, grabbing it as you wiped away the few tears that had fallen. And then you paused as you noticed the name that showed up on your screen.

Eli.

Eli. Your ex. You had dated him for a few months a few years back. He was the one who helped you find the job that you had now. After you broke up, you two had stayed in touch for a bit, but once you moved, you didn't talk often. Or really at all. So why was he calling?

You stared at your phone long enough for the call to end.

"Shit." You mumbled as you unlocked it and immediately called back.

"Hey!" Eli's voice was awake, full of cheer, as he greeted you.

"Eli!" You said back, turning to rest your back on the counter. "I'm so glad to hear from you." You made your voice sound happy and awake, even if you felt the polar opposite.

"I hope it's okay that I called?" He questioned.

"Oh my god! Yes of course. I mean, I'm surprised, but I'm genuinely happy to hear from you." You couldn't help the smile that spread across your lips.

"Awesome, well I promise I do have a purpose for calling." A laugh from both of you. "I'm actually in the city for a few weeks."

"That's awesome." You spoke.

"And I was hoping we could maybe meet up? I don't know many people here and I don't want to feel like a total hermit while I'm here. I mean, I'll be in the big city, I need to do something fun, right?"

You let out a small huff of amusement. "Of course." You said. "I'd be more than happy to be your tour guide."

"Thank you, Sweetheart." You could hear the smile on his face. "Plus, I got a new haircut, I think you'll like it." If you were talking with him in person, you knew he would have winked with that last phrase.

"Well, now we have to see each other." You beamed.

"I just landed, so I'm going to stop at the hotel and sleep most of the day away, but tonight let me take you to dinner."

It would be a good way to fill your otherwise lonely and boring evening. So why not?

"I'll see you then." You responded.

"Perfect. Text me your address and I'll pick you up around eight."

"Sounds perfect."

"Sorry, I know this conversation was record short, but I just wanted to call before I totally passed out."

You laughed. "Don't worry about it."

"Thanks again. I'll see you tonight! And dress in something fancy, we're going all out."

Eli, always going the extra mile.

"Okay."

"I'll see you tonight." Was all he said before the line went dead.

That was a whirlwind. An incredibly short conversation with someone you hadn't talked to in almost a year. An ex who called you Sweetheart right off the bat. And your day totally changed in what felt like thirty seconds.

All you could do was hope that this would be the thing to drag you out of your stupor.

-

Several hours later and you stood in front of the full-length mirror in the corner of your bedroom.

You had sent your address to Eli and he had responded with more details on attire. You didn't know exactly where you were going, Eli wanted to keep it a surprise, but you did know that it would require you to pull the red lipstick out.

And that's exactly what you did.

You had gone intense on the lips and light on the eyes. Your hair was laid in your favorite style, a simple and easy look.

And you decided on wearing something simple but something that would draw all the attention to you. You had dug into the back of your closet for the little black dress that you only pulled out for special occasions. You figured dinner with an old friend constituted as a special occasion. Or at least for you it did. In truth, you really just wanted to wear that dress again.

You heard your phone buzzing again, noticing that Eli had texted. He was there already. You guessed time had just gone faster than you expected.

You grabbed your black clutch and a white shawl before sliding on your black pumps and heading out the door.

You didn't run into anyone while you made your way outside, a painless and easy trip.

A large smile pulled your lips up into a curve, your bright teeth shining as you finally caught site of Eli. His inky black hair was styled effortlessly. It flowed down to his chin in soft waves. It reminded you of Charlie's hair. No. You weren't going to think of Charlie. You wouldn't allow yourself to. You needed this night to be happy, joyful.

So you focused on Eli's eyes. The light blue shimmered with the lights that lined the street. He was dressed in black slacks and a deep red sports coat. His dress shirt was simple and white, unbuttoned just enough to reveal his chest and the edges of his collar bones.

Okay so maybe you could forget about Charlie for tonight. Maybe it wouldn't be that hard when you had Eli to stare at.

You ran up to him as fast as you heels would allow you and opened your arms. His arms wrapped around your waist as he hugged you and pulled you off your feet. You couldn't help but giggle at him.

He then placed you back down, both of you pulling away enough to look at each other.

"Sweetheart. Wow. I'm speechless." He said as his eyes travelled across your body.

Your smiled remained.

"I'm assuming you mean my dress. I keep it for special occasions." You shrugged. "I figured this counted as one."

He smiled at you, those perfect teeth and sharp canines gleaming at you. And all you could think about was the times he would bite your neck, dig those teeth until they left marks. And how badly you needed that again.

Or maybe you were just incredibly horny.

Either way, Eli was the one standing in front of you now. He was the one who you didn't feel guilty about being with. So you were going to have one hell of a night.

-

As it neared the end of dinner, you and Eli's stomach were full and satisfied, you were both happily buzzing from the amount of wine you had consumed. And you had caught each other up on your lives.

Eli was still single. He still lived in Colorado, but he had just received a promotion that would bring him to New York on a regular basis so he decided it would just be easier to move. That's what this trip was mostly about. Finding a place to live.

"I think there's an open apartment in my building." You offered.

He smiled at you, leaning back in his chair. "I'll look at it."

"If you're interested, you can always come and look at mine. There're small differences in layout, but most of them are the same. Except for the penthouse apartments. Unless you're looking for a penthouse?" You questioned.

He laughed as he waved off your question. "God no. I'm not that rich."

"So you're rich?" You joked.

He shrugged. "Guess you'll find out."

"Shit Eli." You said with a smile as you leaned back in your own seat. "You've come so far. I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks." His eyes danced across your face as he smiled.

Before you could speak again, the waiter appeared, placing the check on the table. You leaned forward, reaching for it, but Eli was faster.

"It's my treat." He said as he pulled out his wallet. "For being my guide to the city."

You let out a small huff of air resembling a laugh. "You're too kind."

"Anything for you." He said with a wink.

You couldn't be sure, but you felt a warmth grow in your cheeks, them becoming pink. You could just blame it on the alcohol if Eli noticed. But that wasn't your concern in that moment.

You shifted in your seat as you felt the warmth and wetness grow between your thighs. You swapped the leg that lay on top of the other, your legs now crossed the opposite way. You shifted in your seat as you waited for Eli to finish.

As you waited for the waiter to collect the bill and return once again, you fell into another easy conversation. But your mind couldn't help but focus on the need that was collecting between your thighs.

You really needed to get that need under control.

"Are you okay." Eli asked as he watched you shift for the millionth time.

"Yeah." You waved it off. "Just have to go to the bathroom."

"You can go." He said with some skepticism like he wasn't sure why you hadn't already gone.

"I don't have to go that bad. I'll just wait until I get back home."

He glanced down as you shifted yet again. "Are you sure?" He asked.

"I'm sure." You offered him a small smile.

"Okay." He said as the waiter dropped the bill off again.

You both collected your things as you stood up and made your way out of the restaurant.

You waited near the entrance as Eli went to speak with the valet, getting the car.

And you cursed under your breath as you watched none other than Charlie Barber step into the bar adjacent to the restaurant. He was with another person, someone you assumed was an actor he worked with. No sign of his wife.

You turned, hoping that he wouldn't see you if you looked the opposite direction.

But your hopes were soon squashed.

You heard your name from behind you in that deep voice you had wet dreams about.

You turned your head, meeting his amber eyes. He was wearing his usual wrinkled beige shirt that was most definitely a few sizes too large. His hands were buried in the pockets of his navy-blue slacks.

"Charlie." You said sharply.

"You didn't answer of my texts or calls." He questioned. A worried look spread across his face.

"Maybe I was just busy. You know I don't have to report to you about every second of my life."

He seemed shocked at your words for a moment.

"I'm sorry, I just...I just figured you would at least want to talk after what happened." His eyes were full of wonder and pure confusion as he looked at you.

Your hard exterior almost fell apart until you felt Eli's hand warm the small of your back.

Charlie's eyes flickered to the man that stood behind you before landing back on you. A clear question in his eyes.

"Charlie, this is Eli. Eli meet Charlie."

You watched as both men put on civil smiles and gave each other a firm handshake. You wondered what it would be like to have both of these men inside on your holes at the same time...

Damn. You really needed something. And soon.

"Eli is my date." You smiled at Charlie as you pushed yourself into Eli. Thankfully, Eli didn't seem to mind as his hand wrapped around your waist, pulling you in closer.

You could see something like pain and jealousy in Charlie's eyes, but before he could speak, you decided to end the conversation.

"Well, looks like our car is here. It was good to see you Charlie." You faked a smile. "Tell Nicole I said hi." And before you could register his confused expression, you spun around, pulling Eli with you.

"What was that?" Eli questioned. But you didn't answer his question.

"Please tell me the car is actually here." You looked up to his wondering eyes.

"Yeah." He said after a moment. "Right here." He said as he directed you to the car.

-

The ride back to your apartment was silent. Not that you minded it. It was nice to just sit in a comfortable silence with Eli.

But it was incredible to peel off your heels as you stepped back into your apartment.

"Wow, this place is beautiful." Eli said as he glanced around after you flipped the lights on.

You smiled at his words. "I know." You mused. "It took me a while, but I think I finally found my dream apartment in this place."

Eli glanced back down at you before responding, a large smile on his face. "I love it."

"So there's one bathroom here." You showed him the extra bathroom. "And then the master bath and bed are this way. Oh and the kitchen." You pointed out the decent sized kitchen as you passed it on the way to the bedroom.

"Seems perfect for making delicious meals."

You laughed. "Or for laying out all the takeout you buy if you can't cook and live by yourself."

He let out a huff of amusement.

"And in here is the bedroom." You said as you pushed the door open and flipped on the light.

But you didn't make it far before his hands were on you.

He spun you around with ease, his lips finding yours. You immediately melted into his touch as you let his lips dominate yours. Your hands rose, finding the back of his hair and grasping tightly.

His hands roamed the expanse of your back as you directed you back towards the bed.

"You have no idea how much I've wanted to do this." A pause as his lips attacked yours again. "It's all I could think about tonight."

You moaned into his mouth as his hands found the zipper to your dress and pulled it down slow and sensually.

Charlie was the furthest thing from your mind as Eli's lips dropped yours as he took a step back.

The dress dropped to the floor and your body heated, color rising to your chest and cheeks as Eli's eyes roamed your entire body.

Your entire bare body.


	8. Forget

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: some blood play

Your breathing caught as you watched the possessive and hungry eyes of Eli take in every bit of you, taking his time. A thrill shot up your spine as you tried your best to remain confident, to not curl up and hide away from his intense gaze.

He stepped closer, bringing a single hand up to trace the edge of your body.

"So beautiful." He murmured as his finger slide slowly around the curve of your breast, effectively sending a shiver through your body.

You didn't speak, your breathing heavy, as his eyes and hand trailed lower and lower. You sucked in a harsh breath and your arms grasped onto his shoulder in reflex as his fingers found your throbbing clit.

"You like that baby?" He asked, eyes dark with lust as they watched your expressions of pleasure.

"You like when I put my fingers on you like this?" You could only nod in agreement, noises of pleasure and any words were stuck in your throat, your knees becoming weak.

"Fuck, baby, I missed this, I missed your tight, wet little cunt." You gasped as Eli's finger prodded at your entrance, pushing until the first knuckle.

"Eli." You managed to get out, it falling from your lips as a moan.

"You like when Daddy fucks you with his fingers? You like me filling you whole with just my fingers?" You couldn't say anything, couldn't even nod from the pleasure that threatened your stability.

He stopped his harsh thrusting motions. "Answer me." He growled.

Your eyes shot open, meeting his, and your parted your lips to answer. But you couldn't speak as his lips found yours, his fingers beginning to move again at a slower pace.

You moaned into the kiss, his tongue pushing past your lips and exploring the territory you knew he missed.

"Fuck, baby." He said through heavy breathes, breaking the kiss as his forehead fell against yours. "You always taste so good." You let out a breathy moan in response.

But your noise quickly turned into a whine as he pulled his fingers out. "On the bed, on your back with your legs spread wide for me. I want to see that beautiful cunt on display." He growled lowly.

You obeyed, keeping your eyes on him as you moved back, stopping once the back of your legs hit the edge of the mattress. You climbed on, pulling yourself back onto your elbows, your legs spread wide. You could feel your arousal dripping down your legs, ruining the duvet underneath you, but you didn't care, none of that mattered to you. All that mattered was getting Eli to make you feel good.

To forget about Charlie Barber.

Eli's hungry eyes somehow got darker as he watched you move, stepping closer once he noticed you get settled.

He pulled himself onto the bed. One knee first as his hands landed on the mattress, a second knee coming up after. He crawled slowly up to you, settling himself between your thighs.

He spoke as his eyes locked with your wet and wanting center.

"I'm going to make you cum, darling. And I'm going to use just my tongue."

You clenched in anticipation.

Your breathing began to grow shallow as you watched him lower himself, close enough to feel his breath ghost over your aching bundle of nerves but still not touching you. Not giving you just what you needed.

You gasped loudly, your head falling back as his teeth sunk into your inner thigh. A sharp pain shot up your leg and into your core, but soon turned to pleasure as a wanton moan fell from your lips.

Your head came back up as you heard the husky tone of Eli's laugh.

"I always love to make you scream for me baby."

You couldn't stop the next shiver as your eyes became glued to Eli's own eyes as he lowered his head and licked the spot he had just bitten, small drops of blood leaking down, drops that he lapped up with an air of eagerness.

You tried to control your breath as you felt his hot breath once again over your sensitive bundle of nerves.

"Are you ready for me baby? Are you ready for Daddy's tongue?"

"Yes." You squeaked out, your voice higher than you expected. Not that you really cared in that moment.

Your elbows fell from underneath you, your eyes clamping shut, as he sucked your clit into his mouth. You flinched as he flicked his tongue along it, right where he knew you liked it.

Wow was this man good at making you feel incredible. Almost as good as Charlie.

No. Now wasn't the time to think about Charlie.

You shifted and tried to refocus your mind on Eli and what he was doing in that moment. You couldn't think about Charlie. You wouldn't allow yourself to think about Charlie.

He was in the past now. And the past wasn't something you wanted to dwell on any longer. Fucking him was a mistake. Thinking that you could possibly have a future with him was a mistake. Anything having to do with Charlie Barber was a mistake.

But it wasn't that hard to refocus your mind when Eli pushed his tongue into your entrance, eliciting a low and long moan.

"Fuck, baby, you taste so good, so sweet." A lewd slurping noise as he thrust his tongue in again. "I forgot how good you taste. I fucking missed this." He growled, seemingly to himself as you began to fall apart.

Your hands grasped at his hair, making it look disheveled as you hung on, gripping to the last bit of warm and tantalizing pleasure before it overtook your body.

"I'm gonna cum." You whined.

Eli pulled his tongue out, his grip around both of your thighs adding a tight squeeze, encouraging you on. "Cum for me then, baby. Cum on Daddy's fucking tongue. Let me taste your delicious cum. Do it. Fucking do it."

And with those words, you came undone in the hands of Eli. Your back arched as your head fell back, mouth open with unvocalized pleasure. Your legs shook, but Eli held on tight as he swallowed and lapped at every drop of your arousal, helping you through your orgasm.

Your breathing was heavy as you came down, opening your eyes and smiling down at Eli who had the widest grin on his face, still placed comfortably between your thighs.

"Fuck, that was good." You said breathlessly. His grin somehow grew wider at your words, only falling as he left a soft kiss on your inner thigh.

And it was good, but not as good as...

Fuck.

Not as good as Charlie.

You really needed to find something to finally rid your mind of Charlie. And soon.

"Come here." You beckoned Eli with the seductive curl of your first two fingers, smirking at him as he pushed himself up and moved to hover over you. "It's your turn to feel good." You said low before leaning up, leaving a soft kiss on his jawline.

You pushed yourself up, wrapping your one arm around his torso, barely able to do so from his size, and wrapped your legs around his own. You used your free arm to push you and him, it being surprisingly easy to flip the two of your over, him on his back and you on top.

He gave you a knowing smirk.

You kissed his jaw as you began to help him peel off his clothes. You moved lower, quickly discarding his belt with a small clank, and then moving onto the zipper of his pants. You pulled them down, along with his boxers, enough to watch with hungry eyes as his cock bounced out.

You whined as you took in how big he was. You remembered him being big, but you forgot just how big.

You felt the spit increase in your mouth as you licked your lips, hungry to taste him. To taste the musk that you had become so accustomed to.

You wrapped your hands around the hilt of him as you licked a long strip up the base, eyeing him just before you brought tip between your lips and sucked. He groaned at your action, only spurring you on.

You took him in a little further, your tongue tasting the musk and saltiness of him, from the precum that beaded at the tip.

You keep bobbing your head, taking him in an extra inch with each time until you felt him hit the back of your throat.

You moaned around him as you felt his hips buck up and into you.

"Shit baby, keep going, your mouth feels so fucking good." His words were emphasized with a whine.

His words encouraged you, making you move your head faster on him, taking him in further. You continued to gag as you felt his hands entangle into your hair, not pushing but there to encourage you to take him as deep as possible.

You felt the tears at the brim of your eyes, your throat becoming raw as your nose finally hit the hair just at the base of his torso as you took him fully in.

You moaned at the realization, the tears finally slipping free.

But you were harshly ripped off of him, gasping for breath as he pulled you up and onto him, his lips crashing into yours.

His hands encompassed your throat as he tilted your head, slotting your lips together even more, bringing you even closer.

"I love the taste of me on you, baby." He purred as he finally pulled away. You smiled widely at him as you straddled his torso. "But now I want to cum inside you."

And with those words, he flipped you back over.

Just as he reached down, taking his now dripping cock in hand, you stopped him with a hand to the chest.

"Condom." You said somewhat shyly.

He looked at you for a moment before grinning wickedly. "Promiscuous, now are we."

You only shrugged, a smug smirk lining your lips. "I guess you could say I get around."

He laughed deeply. "Fuck, why does that make you so much sexier."

His lips dropped and captured your before pulling away, letting you grab a condom.

Your mind was entranced as you watched him take the metallic wrapping, tear it with his teeth, and then slide it easily onto himself.

But your eyes soon left his cock and landed on his eyes as he prodded at your entrance, both of you letting out sighs of relief as he finally pushed himself in.

He felt so good. Always felt so good. Even if it wasn't Charlie in your bed. Even if it wasn't Charlie's cock tearing you open at that moment, you knew you could at least try and be happy with someone else. That you could let Eli back into your life. That maybe Charlie would just be your first love and nothing more. That Eli was your endgame.

You gasped and Eli groaned as he pushed that last inch, now fully sheathed inside of you.

"So fucking tight, baby girl." You whined in response. "Always feel so good." With those words, he pulled out and slammed himself back in, causing your body to move up.

You watched as his eyes travelled down to your bare breasts, watching as they bounced with each thrust. One of his hands left the place next to your head and came up, teasing one of your hardened nipples.

You shivered again at the contrasting sensations. The harshness of each thrust into you. The softness and teasing nature of his fingers on your hard nipple.

You could feel yourself getting so close once again, the sensitivity spurring it on. And you knew he was close too from the way his thrusts became more erratic.

You dug your nails into his back, whispering in his ear. "Cum for me Daddy."

"Shit baby." He groaned. "I need you to cum for me first, can you do that?"

You nodded as you held onto him, your arms wrapped around his torso, your legs wrapped around his waist.

His hand fell from your breast to your clit, rubbing harsh circles, getting you right to the edge of your next climax. And then he thrust one more time, hard. And you exploded again. The warm bubble of pleasure from low in your core burst, spreading through every inch, every vein, of your body, making you warm with buzzing euphoria.

But you had to bite your lips, the sudden realization that you almost screamed out something that would have you both stopping in your tracks. Someone's name. Charlie's name. It was right on the tip of your tongue, but you managed to save yourself at the last second. Right before total euphoria pulled you under.

He continued to thrust into you through your high, and as your ears rang from pleasure, you heard the faint noise of him groaning before you felt his cock twitch and his movements slow as his hand dropped from your now incredibly sensitive clit.

He dropped on top of you, pushing you further into the mattress as you both caught your breath.

After a few moments, you moved your head and his to look into his eyes. A smile spread across your face.

You could do this. You could forget about Charlie for Eli. You could try your best. For him.

"That was incredible." He smiled back at you. He adjusted you both so that he could slide off the bed, pulling you with him. "Now let's go to the bathroom before we both fall asleep."

He slide off the rest of his clothes before helping your clean yourself up, making sure to take care of you before you both fell into the blissed, fucked-out, sleep.

Neither of you spoke as he helped you finish cleaning, then you both slide under the sheets and into the warmth of your bed.

You turned the lamp out next to you before settling in. Eli wrapped his hand around your waist, pulling you in so that your bare back was flush against his bare chest. He was warm, oh so warm, and you couldn't help but nuzzle yourself into him.

He left a soft kiss on the edge of your ear.

"Sleep well, darling."

That was the last thing you heard before you fell into the pit of restful sleep.

-

You woke up, still wrapped in the arms of Eli. You left a soft kiss on his cheek, his eyes fluttering at the action. But he remained asleep.

You pulled yourself from his grasp, sliding out of the bed before grabbing a t-shirt and your phone. You didn't check any notifications at first, not thinking to before you made your way to the kitchen.

You wanted to make a nice breakfast for the two of you, and some good coffee. Not the instant coffee that you usually only had time for if you couldn't make a good pot of coffee or tea.

You wanted to spoil Eli after he spoiled you the night before. Dinner and then a good fucking. So you had to provide breakfast and good coffee for him.

You started the coffee, grabbed what you needed from the small pantry to make a typical American style breakfast.

You didn't realize there was a small smile etched onto your lips before it turned wide as you heard Eli step out from the room.

He now had his boxers from the previous night on, but there was still plenty of naked landscape to look on as you watched him wipe away the tiredness from his eyes.

"Sleep well?" You asked.

"Like a fucking baby." He smiled as he stepped up to you. He wrapped his hand around your waist before pulling you in, giving you a kiss on the top of your head.

He dropped his touch from you and moved back, leaning against the counter across from you as he watched.

"Coffee?" He eventually asked.

"Yeah." You responded, pointing to where the coffee pot sat. "The mugs are in the cabinet just above."

He thanked you quietly before moving to get what he needed. You kept sneaking quick glances his way, still not sure how you scored someone like him.

He was built, and you could remember every girl wanting to be with him. Wanting to get in his pants. But somehow, he chose you. And you couldn't be more happy about it.

Now only if you couldn't stop thinking about another man.

Baby steps. Baby steps.

You let your mind wander to Charlie, but pulled yourself back to thoughts of Eli, as you continued to cook breakfast. Your mind was like a battlefield, pulling you both ways, nearly tearing you apart. But you tried your best to stay on Eli. To only think of Eli.

Those thought pulled your further into your mind, into your own world that was created by your mind, one you didn't notice until Eli spoke.

You spun around at his words, eyeing him with curiosity.

He held your phone up so that you could look at the screen. And the ridiculous number of notifications, missed calls and text messages, that were sitting there, waiting for you.

"You must be super popular."

You laughed. "I wouldn't say that." You stepped up to him, taking your phone. "I never have this many messages." Your last words were mostly a musing to yourself.

You scrolled through, curious to see who was reaching out.

Mostly about something at work. You could deal with that later, so you set it aside and didn't worry.

Then there were a few messages from Mary Ann. You didn't want to ruin your morning and day with Eli, so you decided to ignore that for now.

But the last message was something you couldn't ignore. It was something that began to eat away at your mind the moment you noticed it. And you couldn't just wait for it to go away. It wouldn't disappear, no matter how much you tried to will it away.

It needed immediate attention.

"One moment." You tried your best to look unbothered as your body began to shake from nerves before you stepped away and past Eli.

You moved quickly to your room before yelling back at Eli to watch the eggs you were making, and slammed the door shut.

You glanced down at your phone again with blurry vision, tears beginning to form, as you looked down at the message, no, the two messages that sat there.

One from Charlie.

And one from your mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise there’s a reason why Eli seems to be the main man right now, but don’t worry, Charlie is always number one. Also sorry for another cliff hanger, I can’t help it!!


End file.
